A tale of two shitties.
This one isn't me, but it relates to people already discussed elsewhere in this blog, and even though it was disclosed to me by someone who has since proven to be full of shit, I have no reason to disbelieve it, so I shall share it here.The stars of our story hadn't been seeing each other long, and when they did, they pretty much spent all day in the pub. Literally. As in, at 11am they were stood at the door, tapping their watches while giving the staff disapproving looks. Needless to say, this often resulted in them being somewhat inebriated by the end of the evening.
One such evening, the two of them were staying at her place. Now she only had a single bed, so they were...cosy. He was against the wall, her at the edge. They both went to sleep, in their happy drunken state. Part way through the night, the peaceful slumber was interrupted by a loud sound.
PARRRRRRRP!
So loud in fact, that it woke him up. As he awoke, he looked over at her, trying to figure out what the strange noise was. She opened her eyes, briefly, groggily at first, then suddenly wide open, as if in shock. She mumbled, rolled over, and landed on the floor. A few minutes later, he heard a snoring sound again.
Thinking he should at least cover her up, he reached up and pulled the light cord, then peeled the covers back to get out of bed. It was at this point that he was confronted by a large brown mass, with a consistency somewhat reminiscent of a melted Snickers. Sitting defiantly on the bed, it stared him down, blocking his escape.
Gingerly, he manouvered around the mass, somehow avoiding it's advances.
Looking around the door, he saw her, on the floor, fast asleep, soiled, and stark naked. He hurriedly dressed, turned out the light, and legged it.
It was about this point that he called me to relay the above story. I listened to his tale, shocked and fascinated at the same time. It was the ending that caught my attention.
"You turned the light off?"
"Err, yes, but I'm not sure my concern for the environment is really the overriding point in this story"
"No, but...you turned the light off"
"Yes, we've established that"
"So...she'll wake up, discover that she's on the floor starkers, decide that she should really go back to bed, climb back up in the dark, and...."
"...oops"
It was never mentioned again.
posted by SingleGuy @ 9:12 am
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