Getting to grips with single life isn't always that easy. Here's one twenty-something's day-to-day narrative of his relationship breakup and his life since.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Win some, lose some
Well, I met Sar last night, as planned. We met around 8, and went to Aruba for a drink. Physically, she looked great. The conversation flowed, and we had a pretty good time.
There won't be a second date.
Shame really - it was a very enjoyable evening. But, when we finished the drink and left, she asked how I was getting home. I said I was going to hop in a taxi or grab the bus. At this point, she commented that she was driving, and lived in the opposite direction. Then, "Nice to meet you", and she was off. No hug, no peck on the cheek, not even an offer of a lift home, even though she lives near me.
I know that doesn't sound like much, but I've gotten good enough at reading between the lines to know that means she isn't interested. So, we had an enjoyable night, and we'll leave it at that.
Why is it that, whenever I mention that I'm not doing the internet thing anymore, loads on internet women come out of the woodwork? I met Cat on text chat last night. We ended up speaking on the phone for a little over an hour, and we're meeting up on Wednesday for cinema and a drink. So far, she seems refreshingly normal, although very probing. There's potential for her to be another clingy one...we shall see.
Either way, it makes my wednesday more interesting than sitting home getting drunk.
I spent the whole day preparing. I called her work, swore them to secrecy, and made them promise that she'd be finishing on time that day. Next, a visit to Lush, and a few bath bombs with rose petals in. Then the card shop, for confetti (little red hearts). The flower shop for fresh rose petals and a dozen red roses, with 2 yellow ones in the middle (for our 2nd Valentines Day together). Finally, Tesco's provided the strawberrys and chocolate sauce.
Back home, I recovered the teddy bear from the garage, and moved the champagne from my beer fridge upstairs, where it had been keeping cold but hidden, to the normal fridge. The confetti and petals were scattered in a path from the front door to the bath, and the bathroom filled with scented candles. Half an hour before she's due back, the bath is run, and I spend the next 20 minutes getting the temperature just right. The champagne goes on ice in readyness.
When she came home, I deliberately stayed out of the way. A note on the living room door told her simply to go and have a bath, and relax. I gave her a few minutes to get comfortable, and then went up to her, with a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a bowl of strawberries with chocolate dip on the side.
After her bath, we went downstairs, and I cooked dinner while she relaxed. Then we put on "Down With Love", the same film we watched on our first date. Then to bed, and a massage for her. The rest is censored.
We were finding little red confetti hearts around for house for months after that day.
Why am I bringing this up now? Well, the new house is mostly wooden floors, so the vacuum cleaner isn't getting as much use as it used to. Today though, I had to empty the bag. And out came a huge load of little red love hearts. Great - now I'll be finding them all over *this* house too!
So Tracy, this is for you. If we'd broken up a month earlier (and things were definitely already over by then), the timings in this song would have been exactly right on Valentines Day 2007. Spooky, huh?
Yesterday, Sar added me as a favourite on her dating site of choice. So I sent her a message, and we got chatting. She's 27, slim, blonde, and a supermarket manager. Sounds OK to me. We have a date Sunday. Watch this space...
I'm posting this blog entry using the handwriting recognition on my laptop. I tried training it to recognise my voice so I could try dictation, but it's shit so I gave up.
The reason I'm having to go to such lengths? My keyboard is currently on the draining board, having had a drink of vodka redbull with me last night. It decided it didn't want to work, so I've taken it off, washed it, and now it's drying. Hopefully that'll cure it - a new one's £70!
Song of the day: Leave Britney Alone - Trance Remix
Yes, I know I said I wouldn't do online dating again, but she approached me, so it's OK. Kinda.
Sara sent me a message on an online dating site on Saturday. We sent each other a few texts, and agreed to meet on Sunday before I went to work. Upside: Sara has a cheeky, but cool attitude, and is easy to get on with. Downside: Sara is 4 months out of an abusive relationship, is 6 months pregnant, and lives in a shelter for homeless lone parents.
In a nutshell - although we got on OK, we're not gonna be more than friends. Although I will admit we ended up in bed together on Sunday. Nice girl, and from chatting, we're from fairly similar backgrounds. The big difference is, while she has accepted her upbringing as a recurring theme, I heard todays song of the day at age 17 and thought "Hell no". This means that, although 15 years ago we may have been in the same place, right now, we're totally different, and it'll never work out.
Besides...I haven't spent the last 10 years taking care not to get someone pregnant, just to take over someone elses failure to buy condoms this late in the game. Selfish, I know, but hey, I'm single - who else am I gonna look out for if not me?
Song of the day: The Offspring - Way Down The Line
OK, so as promised, a little about Sarah. Not that there's a whole lot to tell.
I met Sarah about 10 months ago - I was in Jaks and she seemed to be on her own, so we got chatting, and ended up back at my place. We bumped into each other a few times over the next few months, and slept together a few more times, but nothing serious. Physically, she's exactly my type, but we have totally different personalities and lifestyles, so there's never going to be more than sex. In fact, we hadn't seen each other for about 6 months.
The only reason she came back into the picture is because I remembered she was from Tunstall, which is where I now live. I sent her a random text to see how she's doing these days, and it turns out she's only a few streets away from me. I went round there the other day, and we had a chat and a bit of a catch up. In a nutshell, we've made ourselves available for random booty calls, and I potentially have a new local drinking buddy.
Well, last night I decided to go drinking. Normally, when this happens, I can remember things the morning after. If I can't, it's usually because I've drunk so much that my body is no longer functional, evidence of which can usually be found in the form of vomit.
Today is different. I have no memory at all of last night, but all signs point to me being fairly functional. I remember talking to a random guy in Reflex, and us getting on very well. I don't remember leaving Reflex. I remember the bouncer at Brassingtons asking me to recite the alphabet before letting me in, and me doing so to his satisfaction. I don't remember being in Brassingtons. I vaguely remember going into Fluid. I don't remember being in Fluid, or leaving.
I woke up at 11am this morning. I was naked, on the floor. This was odd, but not entirely unusual - the floor often doesn't move as much when I'm drunk. My phone was not in my jeans. It was in my dressing gown pocket. A little more random, but OK. I staggered downstairs for a glass of water, where I found my shirt. Going into the kitchen, I found three multipack bags of various crisps. The cupboard yielded some beans, oatcakes, and 3 packs of Jammie Dodgers. The freezer has been fully stocked with pizza and Ben & Jerrys, and the fridge has acquired some custart tarts and powerade. Powerade is my hangover drink of choice, so it seems I was at least planning ahead. I have no memory of going shopping - a task that you would expect requires some degree of consciousness. The receipt says I went at 2am, and paid by card. I'd also clearly managed to get a taxi home, get undressed, and was even functional enough to remember to take out my contact lenses. I just can't remember any of it.
On checking my phone, I found I'd sent random messages to Sarah. Sarah hasn't been discussed here yet, but she will be. At this point I gave up and went back to sleep.
Now, it's 6pm, I've slept all day, and my head hurts. I'm very, very confused as to what exactly happened last night. I sent Sarah a text asking what I sent her last night, and telling her I couldn't remember a thing. She hasn't replied yet. In hindsight, I should probably have waited until I found out whether or not we had sex before letting on about my lost memory.
Since today is very random...have an equally random song.
Song of the day: Avenue Q - The Internet is for Porn
Randomly watching TV tonight, I realised who Rob reminded me of (may only make sense for UK readers). Strangely, I can actually imagine this exact conversation taking place within a few days of our break up, just because Gaz's personality matches Rob's exactly:
HI TIM, TIM DO YOU THINK FAIR ON ME? I HAVE SEEN YOU FOR OVEN TWO WEEKS NOW AND ALL I SEEN TO GET HIS YOUR ANSWER PHONE ITS HIS OVEN BETWEEN US TWO CAUSE SICK WAY YOU ARE TREAT ME. DO NOT TEXT BACK OR PHONE.
Now, like you, I had no clue what that meant. The last sentence kinda translates the gist of it to "you're dumped." I think. If it is...errr..hang on one sec. This is someone I've been on three dates with. I didn't even realise we were 'together', let alone 'dumped.'
I would like to clear up one point here though, since I've complained about Caz a lot here, and I don't want anyone jumping to the wrong conclusion. I see technology as a great thing. However, technology is a device for convenience, not obligation. By that, I mean: My phone is there for my convenience, not for the convenience of those wishing to get hold of me. If it's not convenient for me to talk, no matter how trivial the reason, I won't answer. Now it doesn't matter whether I'm playing poker, in a meeting at work, socialising with friends, or just watching TV and can't be arsed to do anything else - if I'm happy with what I'm doing and can't be arsed to potentially change my plans, I just won't answer my phone, pure and simple. It worked 20 years ago, I don't see why things should be so different now. All my friends (Caz included) know it's better to text me than to call - I'll usually respond to texts, whereas missed calls I tend not to worry about.
Still, that saves me the trouble of dumping her at least, which is nice. I didn't reply to her text - she told me not to text, after all.
Sami didn't turn up. I waited my standard courtesy 10 minutes before giving up, then went to grab some food and buy some DVD's instead. This is why I always try to have a plan B for a first date - just occasionally, you'll get one that doesn't turn up. That's no big deal, as long as they don't subsequently try and reschedule. Sorry, it wasn't important enough for you to bother turning up the first time, so don't bother trying for a second.
I was right about Caz - she is too keen. We've been on maybe 3 dates so far. The first two were in pubs, and she was literally totally silent, barely contributing anything to the conversation, which makes talking to her seriously hard work. So our last date, we went to the cinema. NOW, she decides she wants to talk! Grrr.
The kicker was last week - she called up and asked what I was doing that weekend, and I told her I was busy. She kept on probing, trying to find out what I was doing at each moment of the day, and commented that if I went to play poker on Sunday, it would mean I'd go through the whole weekend without seeing her. Her tone of voice suggested that this was a Bad Thing.
Girl tip: 3 dates in is too early to get clingy. It's too early to make demands on each other's time. And trying to put the brakes on poker night after three dates? Well, that's just about a death warrant for a potential relationship right there.
Well, I got a text off Kim this morning - apparently, she's gotten back with her ex. I've wished her all the best, and made myself available to talk if things don't work out. Shame, she was hot. Still, it was nice while it lasted. And there's always Sami...
I've been texting Sami for a few days now. She's 19, very cute, and seems like a decent laugh. I'm meeting her on tuesday. There's not much more to say about her yet...we shall see how it goes.
Well, yesterday was new parents day. For the afternoon, me and Simon went to play poker, while Kel stayed home to babysit (and for those who know their poker, I went out with the sickest of sick beats - I had 88, opponent had QT - flop came 8TT giving me a full house, and he caught a queen on the river to give him the bigger full house. I swore).
For the night, we left Simon to babysit, while I took Kel to Jaks for her first night out since Jayden was born. Part way through the night, I met Kim. Kim is 18 (I know, a little young - my only reservation), very sweet, works at Revolution (very funky cocktail bar in Hanley), and was also extremely drunk. I took her out for some fresh air, and held her hair back while she threw up her drinks. Then we got food, and I held her hair back while she threw that up too. Since she was clearly done for the night, we headed back into Jaks, got her some water, and I jumped in a taxi with her to make sure she got back safe. Once she'd been dropped off, I went back to Jaks to make sure Kel got home OK.
Today, me and Kim have been texting a lot, and I'm just about to head down to Hanley again, to go and grab a cuppa with her and see how we get on when she's sober. From my point of view at least, she *definitely* has potential.
Update: After a thoroughly enjoyable pub lunch, we have learned two things: Me and Kim get on well, and Kim is not looking for a full on boyfriend. Add these two things together, and it seems I have a new fuck buddy. Which is nice.
