Interesting week
I haven't had a lot of chance to update over the last few days, so here's a run down of what I've been getting up to.
Wednesday, I went to Loughborough, to meet Charlotte, a girl I've been chatting to on MSN for the last few weeks. It was absolutely torrential rain all day, which gave us a great excuse to hide in the pub. Mid afternoon, we caught the early showing of The Devil Wears Prada (don't ask for a review, we weren't there for the film). We ended up having sex in the cinema. And no, we weren't the only people in there. She's coming here to stay the night on Tuesday.
Thursday, I met up with Jemma, a girl I've gone on a few dates with, but it's not going to go anywhere. However, her mates are fit, so I stay in touch. Thursday, I got her friend Jenny's number, and walked her home. On Thursday night, I had
Erica over to watch Scarface with a curry.
Friday, I met up with the same girls as Thursday for a bit of shopping. This time, I got her friend Becky's number, a promise of a few copies of CD's (good excuse to meet up for a drink), and walked Jenny home again. This time, we ended up having a kiss and a cuddle behind the theatre on the way back.
Friday night, I went out with Kel and her boyfriend Si. I pulled Amanda, a gorgeous girl who's just out of a four year relationhsip, and who turned out to be an absolute vixen between the sheets. We left the club at 1:30, didn't go to sleep til turned 3, and were awake again at 7 for a rematch. We finally crawled out of bed at about 12ish, after round three which finished just in time for a call from her ex.
Right now, single life is amazing. There is nothing I would change about my life at this point in time. Well, okay, a little less bruising around my nads would be nice, but that's a small price to pay for the night I had last night.
Only problem is, tonight I'm going to Erica's cousins' 18th birthday party, and I am guaranteed to be bringing Erica home (she's coming over at 4 to get changed at mine). Hopefully I'll be able to manage a repeat performance, but damn, this is way too much exercise for me!
Trust and Respect
Trust and respect are the two fundamental elements of any friendship or relationship. You can get by without trust, as long as the other person knows that and accepts it. Respect is a whole different thing. If you don't respect someone, you can't spend time with that person. It just won't work.
Rob is a case in point. A month ago, my girlfriend could pole dance and grind her booty into his face. They could spend hours together, talking. Hell, they could even sleep together downstairs while I was asleep upstairs. This was all fine because I trusted them both absolutely, and I knew 100% that nothing would ever happen between the two of them.
Then I was proven wrong.
I saw Rob today. We even went for a drink. That's when I realised that you can no longer continue a friendship with someone you no longer trust or respect.
Don't get me wrong, we can still enjoy a drink together, but I can no longer look at him in the same light. We're now mere acquaintances. Acquaintances who've been to hell and back with each other, and come through trials the like of which many friendships have never seen, but acquaintances nonetheless. He can't understand this. He feels that our friendship should be completely unaffected.
I put it to him this way: Does he seriously believe that I'm ever going to let a girlfriend of mine pole dance in front of him again? Does he believe I'm ever going to let him and a girlfriend of mine talk about me, alone, for hours at a time? Does he actually honestly believe I'll ever give him the opportunity to spend a night with a girl I'm seeing again, without any hint of suspicion on my part? Those are all things that happened before we split up and he started shagging my missus. Those are all things that will never happen again.
Sure, we can still be friendly. We can still drink together, even go out together. We can never be the same as we were. That's long gone, and it wasn't me who broke it.
Dating Advice For Men
Having a read through
this, and it kinda made me laugh. Check the paragraph below:
In a relationship's early phases, the two of you will want to spend every waking hour in each other’s company. That’s fine in the beginning, but the reality of the situation is that, within a few months, you’ll be too afraid to ask her to let you play the newest Xbox 360 game with your boys. She’ll expect you to spend all your time with her the way you did in the beginning, and you’ll lose your friends and your personal time. It then goes on to tell the reader that the best way to deal with this is to take her on dates she won't like, such as paintballing or hunting. Now, maybe their approach to relationships differs to mine, but....doing something that you know she'll hate deliberately to try and make her spend less time with you? Yeah, that'll work. Too well - she'll spend
no time with you if you pull that one enough.
Let me propose a simpler solution: Don't spend all your time with her in the first place. I made this mistake with my ex - we spent every waking moment together at first, and because of that, we both lost touch with friends and family. Once you've done that, it's a lot harder to go back. My approach for the next relationship: No matter how much I like her, no matter how much I want to spend every moment with her, I will always allow a minimum of two nights a week for myself and my friends. That way, I never dig myself into the hole of "you never have time for me anymore", because I never spent every waking hour with her anyway.
Easy really.
Nearly a Foursome
Last sunday, I went out with
a friend, her man, and her best mate. I got on with her mate, and we ended up having a bit of a kiss and swapping numbers. Nothing serious. Anyway, we've been texting most of the week. Tonight, she drops a good un. Chatting on MSN, and suddenly the following crops up:
Her: Do you fancy a threesome?
Me: Maybe - who with?
Her: Me and this guy
Me: hmmm...maybe, but I'm not really a fan of the two guy idea
Her: Well how about we get {Girl #2} involved, and make it a foursome? If it turns out well, me and her will sort you a threesome out for your birthday.
Me: Yeah, that sounds like fun.
Over the next hour or so, texts are exchanged between all proposed parties. Then, bummer. Girl #2 isn't up for it, because Girl #1 is a friend, both of them fancy me, and it'll be awkward.
Oh well, it was worth a try. My options now are:
1. Forget it
b. Go for the 2 guy/1 girl threesome
4. Try and get another girl involved for the foursome
What do you lot think? Opinions please!
I wish I'd thought of this
Be warned, this has swearing and is 9 minutes long. Definitely worth it though.
Actually, I've seen her family, and no, I really wouldn't. Hmmm....her sister on the other hand...I wonder...
Quiet Spot
There are actually five 'clubbing' nights around here. Wednesday is Student Night in Newcastle, Sunday is the Sunday Service in Hanley, and Monday is Student Night in Hanley, plus you've got Friday and Saturday nights in both Castle and Hanley. I'm not really a fan of Newcastle - it's packed with pubs, granted, but no nightclubs and it tries to be more upmarket than it can get away with - so it's pretty rare that I'll go out on a Wednesday.
That gives me the four Hanley nights of Friday through Monday. Take a guess what shifts I'm working this week? Night shifts. Friday til Monday. Every single going out night this weekend, and I'm stuck at work. Tuesdays are a complete waste of time, plus I'll be too tired to do anything anyway - the last night shift is the one where you stay awake as long as possible, then get drunk to swing your body right back into daylight mode. Which means it's going to be pretty quiet here until Wednesday.
Wednesday should be interesting. I'll update then.
The First Date
I had my first date on Wednesday night. A career girl, strong and independent. A first for me - all my other girlfriends have been the clingy, needy type. Independence is definitely a good quality right now - the last thing I need is someone to rely on me. Same for her - she's only just come out of a relationship, but she has a lot more strings and red tape to deal with than me - it's things like that that make me feel lucky I got out when I did.
So we went to Roberto's. Roberto's is a fantastic little Italian place hidden down a quiet street - the kind of place you don't even notice unless you know it's there. They also happen to do the best Italian food in the city.
We chatted, we ate, we drank wine. A thoroughly enjoyable evening. After the meal, we went to the pub, where she insisted on paying for the drinks, since I wouldn't let her pay for the meal. A pleasant drink, slightly spoiled by her seeing her ex's mother.
After that, we retired to my place for a few more drinks and a couple of episodes of CSI before bed. I was actually astounded at how well I got on with this girl, and how much we had in common. An absolutely fantastic night, and I'm very much hoping for a second date. One date at a time though, don't want to get too involved now....
Next morning, I knocked up some breakfast (Potato wedges and fish fingers - I think a shopping trip is called for about now), before we sorted her a taxi home.
This brings us right up to date. I'll update as and when now, hopefully every few days.
Warning: This blog may contain traces of rant or irrelevance. Names have probably been changed to protect someone or other. Life rocks - if it ever stops rocking, you need to change your situation.
Bloody hell, that was close
I had a friend over a few days ago. This is a female friend, who I've actually known for about six months, but we never got beyond friends (we were both seeing someone when we met), and her number mysteriously vanished from my phone shortly after my ex started going through it. Anyway, I got back in touch with her a week or so after I became single, and she came over. We caught up on old times, then caught up on some new times - she's on-and-off with her ex at the moment - when she came over, she was off, and we ended up in bed together. No pretences, everyone knew where they stood - just good friends who happened to be sleeping together.
Anyway, her and her ex/current/whatever have been popping over quite a bit of late. A few days ago, they called round together, and he left to do whatever it is he had to do. I needed to clean up, she volunteered to help. Fine by me. Anyway, we finished cleaning up, then went to the pub for a few.
We kinda got discussing what could have happened between us. We both came to the conclusion that maybe, if we'd both been single when we first met, we could have gotten involved, but because we've been friends for so long, we're better leaving it at that for now, even if we have slept together from time to time.
We got back to mine at about 5:45. She was supposed to be meeting her man at her friends place at 6:30. Somehow, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex on the leather sofa. Which was nice. We finished up, she went to clean herself up, I cleaned myself up.
About two minutes later, she's dressed and back in the lounge. I'm in the lounge, still with my t shirt on the floor.
The doorbell rings. Oh shit. The front door isn't locked. Let's hope he doesn't know that. I calmly put on my t shirt, open the door, and it's her boyfriend as expected. I do a disturbingly good job of acting normal. He complains that her phone was off - she tells him (truthfully, as it happens) that her battery died. I ask for his number, mentioning that she couldn't text him from my phone because his number was on hers, and with a dead battery she couldn't get it.
As I'm stood next to him, phones held side-to-side at chest level, a familiar aroma begins to circulate around my nostrils. It's at this point that I realise I didn't have time to wash my hands before he arrived, and I am still blessed with
the sweet smell of success. The next few minutes are very tense. Fortunately, he doesn't seem to pick up on it.
Bloody hell though, that was close. Moral of this story - always lock the front door when you're shaggin some guys missus (even an on/off missus) and he could turn up at any moment!
Why Single Life Rocks
Suddenly being single has had quite a drastic effect in terms of my outlook on life. Suddenly, I care a lot less what people, particularly those of the opposite sex, think about me. As a result, I have totally lost my tendency to exaggerate things, or skip on some minor detail, in the hope of getting a look at their lady-parts. I'm now brutally honest, the idea being that, if it's all going to go tits up (or not as the case may be) I'd rather know about this before I get to know them.
Therefore, when asked by a girl what I think of her, or what I am looking for with her, my response will often be something along the lines of "I think you're a nice person to have as a friend, maybe even a date or two, and if you were to insist on sleeping with me I probably wouldn't turn you down. However, I'm not looking for anything serious, and I'm not going to make you any promises for the future, or even for breakfast."
Surprisingly, this approach is actually far more effective than my previous pulling technique. OK, not necessarily in the strict sense of the word 'pulling', but I seem to have a lot more respect from the women I do talk to, and because I'm not interested in taking things further, I seem to be gathering far more female friends. This is absolutely a good thing. Some of these friends, despite being told they are nothing more than friends at the moment, are still very willing to show me their lady parts. Some of them I have graciously accepted their offers. Others I may yet allow to do so. Others I may not. Time will tell.
The Letter
If you've read
The Aftermath, you'll know I wrote her a letter. Here it is.
You don't have to read this.
This is stuff I need to get out of my system, and which I feel I owe it to you to say.
Just because I need to say it, doesn't mean you need to hear it. You're happy now, and if hearing from me will hurt you, throw this letter away without reading any further.
The three years we shared, were the happiest, most loving years of my life. I truly never believed I was able to be so happy with any one person. You completed me. You are the only person I've ever fallen for so completely, the only one I've ever loved in this way. You are an amazing person.
When Rob and Lynn broke up, I went off the rails a bit. I believe that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. That is completely my fault. When Rob became single, and seemed so happy, I started to have doubts - you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I knew that beyond any doubt, but was I ready to spend the rest of my life with someone yet?
Just as importantly, were you? It kept nagging at me, that I was the first guy you'd ever had a relationship with, and that you wouldn't want to settle for that - at some point, you'd want to see what else was out there. My own insecurities made that come true.
I started to neglect you, choosing instead to spend time with Rob. My excuse was that I was helping him get over his break up. The truth was, he was loving the single life, and I wanted to be a part of that too.
When I asked you to come along with us, we'd end up having an argument, without fail, every single time. Rob would go with you to try and calm you down, and I'd go home alone. You and Rob would then spend the night together, downstairs, while I slept upstairs. I know nothing happened between you while we were together, but these were signs that our relationship was not going well. Because I was neglecting you so much, I missed the signs. Or rather, I chose to ignore them. I am truly, deeply, sorry for that.
I think it was around the beginning of August that it changed for me. Preparing for the holiday, I realised - I love you more than anything else in the world. You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Yes, I am ready to settle down, to have kids, to get married. At that point, I made a vow - the holiday would be the changing point in our relationship - after we got back, I would be more attentive, spend less time with Rob and more with you, and try to get us back to how we used to be.
It seems I wasn't the only one of us looking at the holiday as a changing point. While I was thinking that it was time to buckle down and devote myself completely to you, you were thinking that you'd already had too much of my neglecting you, and you wanted out. The fact that we'd had so many arguments before meant you'd had a chance to fall for Rob while he was comforting you every night.
When you sent me a text asking for Rob's number the day after we broke up because you wanted to ask him on a date, I had so many questions going through my head. I knew Jenny already had his number, so why were you asking me? How long had you been thinking of being with Rob instead of me? How much had already happened when you had been alone together? Looking back, I know some of those questions were wrong of me to even think, but at the time I couldn't help it. Now, I realise that asking me for his number was your way of letting me know you wanted to make a move on him, because you wanted me to find out from you instead of hearing it through the grapevine. I want you to know, I truly appreciate that. It means a lot to me that you were so honest.
The first night I saw you together, killed me. Seeing you together I could just about handle. Watching you kiss was too much, and it tore my heart in two. That's why I sent the texts I did, and I apologise if they hurt you.
Hearing from you on Friday night helped me a lot at the time. Since then though, it's destroyed me. I can't stop thinking about you, missing you, wanting you. It's now Sunday and I've been an emotional wreck all weekend. I've alternated between crying, wandering around aimlessly, staring at my phone hoping you'll text again, and drinking. I haven't eaten since Friday afternoon - I can't swallow food. Still, at least it'll get rid of that fat you keep telling me about!
The real truth is, I never deserved you. You could always have done so much better than me. Still, I lied to you and treated you like sh*t. I fully deserved to lose you, and to lose Rob too. I fully deserve to feel as bad as I do right now.
I have no happiness left for me anymore. I've lost the most important thing in my life. All I can do now is wish you well. You're better off with Rob, I can see that. You suit each other better than we did, and I can tell he makes you happier than I ever could.
I want you to know, I have no hard feelings towards either of you. You were both honest with me throughout, which is more than I deserve. I truly hope you are happy together, and that he never does anything to repeat my mistakes or make you stop wanting to be with him. You are truly a wonderful and special person. There will always be love in my heart for you.
I really hope that one day we can all get along together again. Right now, I can't handle seeing the two of you together, but in time, that will pass.
I hope I never have to be there to support either of you like I still need Rob to support me now, but I will always welcome you if you ever feel a need to talk. I know nothing can ever happen again between us, but I value your friendship.
I Love You.
A few days later, I re-read that letter. I saw the part that says "There will always be love in my heart for you", and I thought "No. There won't. You don't need my love any more, and frankly, you don't deserve it either." Then I tore it up. That was the moment I knew I had at least a chunk of my self respect back.
The Aftermath
OK, so now my best mate is dating my ex. This is the best mate who we always swore would never let a woman come between us. I think that's why the next few weeks were so screwed up. I was determined to stick to that vow.
So we still hung out. We went to the pub, we played pool, we wandered the shops. All the usual stuff we used to do. Well, not quite. Before, I never heard about his latest girlfriend, what they were doing together, how happy she was without me, or any of that crap that I really didn't need to hear. Now, she was all he talked about. Still, I was actually quite surprised myself at how well I handled it all.
Let's fast forward again. Maybe two weeks after the breakup. Me and Rob arrange to go to Newcastle for a night out (Wednesday night - Student Night). Tracy's working, so that's not a concern.
I get there. She's there with him. Pole dancing, wearing a skirt. She never wore skirts when I was with her. Couldn't find one to fit, she said. No matter. I go to the bar to get a drink. When I come back, they're all over each other. That I can't stand to look at. Don't get me wrong, I kind of expected it from her. Him, I expected to have enough respect for our friendship to keep his distance while I was there. I walk out, and very nearly break my hand punching the wall outside (that was nearly three weeks ago now, and it still hurts and doesn't quite look right). I send them both a text saying I want to wish them well, but I can't be happy for them because I still feel too betrayed by them both. Then I go home in floods of tears.
No contact until two days later. I'm actually feeling a little better by now, and have gone clubbing with some other friends. About 10:50pm I get the following text:
Her:
U wnt piss me off and u certainly wnt piss rob off so u cn say n do wht the fuck u wnt cause u wnt split us up an as 4 u feelin betrayed ur the 1 who fucked me bout an neglected me as 4 gemma 2 scared to tell me bout her were u bothered cause im really happyAah, Gemma. I should explain about Gemma. Gemma is a girl I got chatting to in a club a few months ago, on one of the nights out with Rob - he'd met someone, and being his wingman, I was keeping her friend occupied. Gemma was the friend. We got talking, and exchanged numbers. Nothing happened, but she kept on texting me. I repeat, nothing happened. However, still very wrong of me, and possibly deserving of a breakup in itself. Anyway, the following text conversation happened:
Me:
That's great, I'm really glad you're happy. I can't be happy for u but that's my problem and ill get over it. Just for the record, nothing did happen, or would happen, between me and gemma while I was with u. I have more respect for u than that. I no i neglected u, I'd already realised that and told myself it'd change after the hol. I was helpin my best mate through his breakup, which I had finished and was goin devote myself to u again. That's past now tho. Have a great life together, no hard feelings. Her:
Wnt let me read that obviously too longMe:
Ok short version: I did nothing with gemma while i was with u - i respect u too much for that. I hope ur happy together. Good luck and goodbye. Me:
So u no, I don't want u and rob 2 split. I hope ur happy together. I cant handle it but thats my problem, it shouldn't come between u 2. All I ask is that u dont rub it in my face when i see u together. If that's too much to ask, say now and I'll avoid you both. I have other questions about you 2 but I don't want the answers so it's ok. Her:
If it's was we shagging b4 u and me broke up the answer is no we get on it just appened. Me:
No, it's not that, I still trust u both enough to no that didnt happen. I dont want the answers to my questions, so im not goin ask them. U 2 have a good life together, just pls dont ask me to be part of it. Me:
Really, I hope ur happy together. Ur happiness still means a lot to me. I'd love to be happy for you, but I cant be right now. hope you can understand thatHer:
Yeah I understand I just dont want any trouble whats happened has happened hope u find happiness tooMe:
Thanks. We had a good time together, at least I did. I won't get into my plans for after the hol cos it don't matter now. Just no I loved u while we were together, and im sorry u couldn't feel the same. Her:
I did love you really but things were just goin wrong and we drifted apart. Me:
I no we did. I was helpin my best mate get over his breakup and I neglected u. I was goin change that after the hol. Don't matter now tho. Me:
I know we drifted apart, before the holiday. I don't know when you stopped wanting me, that's one of the things I don't want to know about our break up. Her:
Just to let you know, it was while we were on hol I just wasn't having a good time felt our relationship had run its course no point in makin each other miserable. Me:
Thanks. We did drift apart, thats what I wanted the hol to change, but when I tried to get close to u, u were too busy with ur phone. I was to blame too tho - I never deserved you, all I can do now is hope you're happy with ur new life, even if that ruins my relationship with my best mate. Her:
I was too busy on my phone because it was already too late, we've been drifting apart for months and the hol didn't help. It won't ruin ur relationship with him if u dont let it. Me:
I know we been driftin, thats cos I was helpin rob with his split, I was gonna devote myself to you after the hol if I had a chance. I dont want lose rob as a mate but I can't handle u 2 together, tryin ignore it now. I'd rather u 2 were happy than me and him be mates tho, so don't do anythin on my account. I didn't deserve u anyway, u were always too good for me. Her:
If I was too good for u i didn't care cos I loved you bt things had been going wrong for ages it just wasn't working out. Me:
I know, like I said, I was goin try change that, but it's too little, too late, I know that. I just wish we could have talked about it before it got this far. Me:
By the way, don't worry, Im not the trouble kind. Our relationship died when u said u dnt want be with me any more - once u said that, i'd be wastin my time if i tried get u bk. thats why i didnt argue when u dumped me, theres no point if u dont want me any more. i wont contact u again unless u contact me first. i really hope ur happy with ur new life, there'll always be part of my heart thats urs. Goodbye xxx. Me:
One last thing - thank you for having the decency to tell me yourself that you wanted to make a move on rob. It felt like a really low trick at the time, but it would have killed me if I'd found out some other way. I just want you to know I appreciate your honesty.That was the conversation, verbatim. I have no idea why, but that conversation destroyed me that weekend. This was on the Friday night, and I just spent until Sunday night curled up at home, crying, not eating, barely sleeping. Reading it back, I have no clue why. I can only assume it was contact with her again after going without for two weeks.
Anyway, the next day I sent some very random texts to Rob. Examples:
Don't ever make the mistakes I made with her. Never, ever give her a reason to stop wanting to be with you, even if that comes between us. She's more important than me. She's a truly amazing person, and once she's out of your life it'll kill you. Hold onto her, and don't ever let go.
and
If ever things don't work out between you, make it easy for her. I don't ever want her to feel like I do right now.
Finally, on Sunday evening, I started to pull myself together. I sent him one last text:
Thanks for being there for me the last few weeks mate. I'm going to stay out of touch of both of you for a bit now - i have no idea if seeing you is helping or hurting my recovery. I've written her a letter with things I think I owe it to her to say. Im not going to give it her because I think that'd be a mistake. I'll text you in a few weeks or so if that's OK with you. Good luck to you both in the meantime.
I'll post the letter seperately. I never did give it to her. In fact, a few days later I felt a lot better, re-read it, realised it was all crap, and tore it up.
That brings us up to about two weeks ago. Life since then has been a lot better, and I'll fill you in on that in due course. For now, that's the introductions sorted.
The Relationship
Well, this is my blog. If you've stumbled here, welcome. I'll answer a few questions here.
First, why? Well, about a month ago, I came out of a relationship of three years. A relationship I was very happy in. Let me tell you about it.
How We MetThink back to August 2003. A night out. To be entirely honest with you, I didn't feel like going out that night. My best mate and his girlfriend dragged me out. Anyway, we got to Creation, and I saw Sam, a girl I knew from taking photos for my website a few weeks before. I bought her a drink, and we chatted a while, but it quickly became obvious she wasn't interested.
So, we've been out 10 minutes, and I've been knocked back once. I'm looking for something a little less....what's the nicest way to put this?....challenging. I survey the still quite empty dance floor, and see a group of girls dancing. One of the girls has a very short skirt on, with the word "Sexy" emblazoned on the back of it.
Hi. You'll do.
I sauntered across, and without a word, started to dance with her. Crude, I know, but in this case effective. We spent the next three hours or so with my tongue down her throat, and some heavy petting. At the end of the night, I asked for her phone number. This would be the first girl who I've ever asked for her number. Ever. And I was 23. It's not quite as sad as it sounds, but it's not far off.
How I Ended Up In LoveAnyway, I'm thinking maybe a date, maybe a few dates. Certainly nothing serious. So I text her for a while, and we arrange a date for a few days later. The date goes well, then she drops the bombshell - she's a virgin, and there's no way I'll get to sleep with her for at least a month. Now you put yourself in the body of a 23 year old, with the associated ego, and that phrase can only be interpreted as a challenge. "Wanna bet?" thinks I. Obviously, I didn't say this.
I won the bet. By three days.
There was a downside. In the near-month it had taken me to finally bed her, I'd fallen completely, utterly head over heels in love with her. Schoolboy error, I know. Some would say that my attitude on the way into this relationship means I deserve everything I get. Maybe they're right.
Anyway....
Fast forward two years (yes, great years - all going well, nothing to report). Still deeply in love, I take her to Venice, and propose at a restaurant under the Rialto Bridge. Am I the king of romance or what? Well, nearly - my sneaky "Right, let's buy you a nice ring, and get all your fingers measured while we're at it, just in case I ever decide to propose to you" approach at H. Samuels a few weeks earlier had been a stroke of pure genius. The assistant's approach to measuring fingers, less so. So the ring was too big. No biggie, we had another one made while in Venice. This one fit perfectly. We took the other one back on our return, and used the credit note to buy my engagement ring. Also too big, but it fit nicely on my other finger, and hey, it wouldn't go with a wedding ring at all, so I'd keep it and switch it to another finger after the wedding.
It all went a bit Pete Tong
We're now maybe 8 months later, May or June of this year. Doing great, and we've booked our holiday to Crete to celebrate 3 years together. There's talk of kids, and sorting out the wedding. Life is good.
Then he became single.
My mate got dumped by his ex, for someone he works with. He told me first, and like any best mate, I dropped everything to be at his side. Told Tracy the situation, she was fine with it. Went for a few lads nights out with him, she was great with the whole thing. However, I felt I was neglecting her a bit, so I started inviting my mate round for nights in instead, and inviting her along on nights out. That's kinda when it started to go a bit downhill.
For the first few weeks, all was great. Then she'd start to pick arguments over the tiniest things. I don't know how most of these started, or even what they were about. The common theme is that they always,
always started when the three of us were out together.
The aftermath was always the same - Rob would go with Tracy to try and calm her down. I'd go home alone to give him space to talk to her. That's what mates do, right? He's out there trying to save my relationship - what a great mate he is. By the time they came home, I was normally in bed. I'd come downstairs the next morning to find they'd both fallen asleep downstairs. They must have been talking for hours.
This went on for maybe two months - go out, fight, I'd sleep upstairs, come down to find the two of them asleep downstairs.
The Holiday
The holiday was really what I considered to be the turning point in our relationship. I realised I'd been neglecting her, and I realised that her talking about our problems with Rob instead of me wasn't doing our relationship any favours. So the holiday was where everything would get better - less time with Rob, more with Tracy. Sort out arguments together again, me and her against the world, the way it should be.
Then we got there. She quite literally never said a word to me the whole time we were there. She spent all day either in the hotel room or sunbathing around the pool, texting on her phone - she spent £280 on her phone during a two week holiday, plus €20 or so a day on phone calls at the payphone. Excessive, I thought. Meantime, I was the one being neglected.
No problem. I don't want to ruin the holiday by having a big argument about it here, so I'll wait til we get home, we'll sit down, and sort it out.
We arrived home on the Wednesday. She told me she was staying at a friends on the Wed night. Now I've never, ever known her stay with friends in the entire time I've known her, but that's cool - I'm really glad her social life is getting better, and that she has best friends to have sleepovers with. This is a good thing.
Thursday. Something feels wrong about the last few weeks. I can't put my finger on it, but something just feels...wrong. I call Rob on the way to work, and tell him that me and Tracy are going to stay in tonight and have a talk, try to sort out what's going on.
I finish work, get home. Rob turns up literally within half an hour of me getting there. What's he doing here? He knows I'm planning to talk to Tracy tonight. I take him to the supermarket, and tell him I wanted to talk to her, and can he please make himself scarce? He says fine. We get home. I go to the bathroom. When I come out, Tracy is standing outside, saying "We need to talk". I know this, this was my idea. Still, OK, if she's pushing it, at least things will get done.
We go upstairs. She tells me she doesn't love me any more, and doesn't want to be with me. There's no one else, it's nothing I've done, nothing she's done, she just doesn't feel the same. I'm shell shocked - what are you supposed to say to that? I go out for some air, Rob follows. I tell him what went on. By the time we get back, she's waiting for her taxi.
Open wound? Have some salt.
A day or so later, I'm sitting home, coming to terms with things, when my phone beeps. I check it. Tracy. "What's Robs number and do you mind if I ask him on a date?"
This is my best mate. That is a low, nasty, unforgivable trick. But that's OK. This is my best mate. I know I can safely give her his number, and he won't make a move. So I do. This is the Saturday.
Tuesday they have their first date.
The aftermath will follow....
