The Relationship
Well, this is my blog. If you've stumbled here, welcome. I'll answer a few questions here.First, why? Well, about a month ago, I came out of a relationship of three years. A relationship I was very happy in. Let me tell you about it.
How We Met
Think back to August 2003. A night out. To be entirely honest with you, I didn't feel like going out that night. My best mate and his girlfriend dragged me out. Anyway, we got to Creation, and I saw Sam, a girl I knew from taking photos for my website a few weeks before. I bought her a drink, and we chatted a while, but it quickly became obvious she wasn't interested.
So, we've been out 10 minutes, and I've been knocked back once. I'm looking for something a little less....what's the nicest way to put this?....challenging. I survey the still quite empty dance floor, and see a group of girls dancing. One of the girls has a very short skirt on, with the word "Sexy" emblazoned on the back of it.
Hi. You'll do.
I sauntered across, and without a word, started to dance with her. Crude, I know, but in this case effective. We spent the next three hours or so with my tongue down her throat, and some heavy petting. At the end of the night, I asked for her phone number. This would be the first girl who I've ever asked for her number. Ever. And I was 23. It's not quite as sad as it sounds, but it's not far off.
How I Ended Up In Love
Anyway, I'm thinking maybe a date, maybe a few dates. Certainly nothing serious. So I text her for a while, and we arrange a date for a few days later. The date goes well, then she drops the bombshell - she's a virgin, and there's no way I'll get to sleep with her for at least a month. Now you put yourself in the body of a 23 year old, with the associated ego, and that phrase can only be interpreted as a challenge. "Wanna bet?" thinks I. Obviously, I didn't say this.
I won the bet. By three days.
There was a downside. In the near-month it had taken me to finally bed her, I'd fallen completely, utterly head over heels in love with her. Schoolboy error, I know. Some would say that my attitude on the way into this relationship means I deserve everything I get. Maybe they're right.
Anyway....
Fast forward two years (yes, great years - all going well, nothing to report). Still deeply in love, I take her to Venice, and propose at a restaurant under the Rialto Bridge. Am I the king of romance or what? Well, nearly - my sneaky "Right, let's buy you a nice ring, and get all your fingers measured while we're at it, just in case I ever decide to propose to you" approach at H. Samuels a few weeks earlier had been a stroke of pure genius. The assistant's approach to measuring fingers, less so. So the ring was too big. No biggie, we had another one made while in Venice. This one fit perfectly. We took the other one back on our return, and used the credit note to buy my engagement ring. Also too big, but it fit nicely on my other finger, and hey, it wouldn't go with a wedding ring at all, so I'd keep it and switch it to another finger after the wedding.
It all went a bit Pete Tong
We're now maybe 8 months later, May or June of this year. Doing great, and we've booked our holiday to Crete to celebrate 3 years together. There's talk of kids, and sorting out the wedding. Life is good.
Then he became single.
My mate got dumped by his ex, for someone he works with. He told me first, and like any best mate, I dropped everything to be at his side. Told Tracy the situation, she was fine with it. Went for a few lads nights out with him, she was great with the whole thing. However, I felt I was neglecting her a bit, so I started inviting my mate round for nights in instead, and inviting her along on nights out. That's kinda when it started to go a bit downhill.
For the first few weeks, all was great. Then she'd start to pick arguments over the tiniest things. I don't know how most of these started, or even what they were about. The common theme is that they always, always started when the three of us were out together.
The aftermath was always the same - Rob would go with Tracy to try and calm her down. I'd go home alone to give him space to talk to her. That's what mates do, right? He's out there trying to save my relationship - what a great mate he is. By the time they came home, I was normally in bed. I'd come downstairs the next morning to find they'd both fallen asleep downstairs. They must have been talking for hours.
This went on for maybe two months - go out, fight, I'd sleep upstairs, come down to find the two of them asleep downstairs.
The Holiday
The holiday was really what I considered to be the turning point in our relationship. I realised I'd been neglecting her, and I realised that her talking about our problems with Rob instead of me wasn't doing our relationship any favours. So the holiday was where everything would get better - less time with Rob, more with Tracy. Sort out arguments together again, me and her against the world, the way it should be.
Then we got there. She quite literally never said a word to me the whole time we were there. She spent all day either in the hotel room or sunbathing around the pool, texting on her phone - she spent £280 on her phone during a two week holiday, plus €20 or so a day on phone calls at the payphone. Excessive, I thought. Meantime, I was the one being neglected.
No problem. I don't want to ruin the holiday by having a big argument about it here, so I'll wait til we get home, we'll sit down, and sort it out.
We arrived home on the Wednesday. She told me she was staying at a friends on the Wed night. Now I've never, ever known her stay with friends in the entire time I've known her, but that's cool - I'm really glad her social life is getting better, and that she has best friends to have sleepovers with. This is a good thing.
Thursday. Something feels wrong about the last few weeks. I can't put my finger on it, but something just feels...wrong. I call Rob on the way to work, and tell him that me and Tracy are going to stay in tonight and have a talk, try to sort out what's going on.
I finish work, get home. Rob turns up literally within half an hour of me getting there. What's he doing here? He knows I'm planning to talk to Tracy tonight. I take him to the supermarket, and tell him I wanted to talk to her, and can he please make himself scarce? He says fine. We get home. I go to the bathroom. When I come out, Tracy is standing outside, saying "We need to talk". I know this, this was my idea. Still, OK, if she's pushing it, at least things will get done.
We go upstairs. She tells me she doesn't love me any more, and doesn't want to be with me. There's no one else, it's nothing I've done, nothing she's done, she just doesn't feel the same. I'm shell shocked - what are you supposed to say to that? I go out for some air, Rob follows. I tell him what went on. By the time we get back, she's waiting for her taxi.
Open wound? Have some salt.
A day or so later, I'm sitting home, coming to terms with things, when my phone beeps. I check it. Tracy. "What's Robs number and do you mind if I ask him on a date?"
This is my best mate. That is a low, nasty, unforgivable trick. But that's OK. This is my best mate. I know I can safely give her his number, and he won't make a move. So I do. This is the Saturday.
Tuesday they have their first date.
The aftermath will follow....
posted by SingleGuy @ 11:22 pm
Comments: 2
