Alcohol brings out the honestly in me.
Yes, this is another drunk post. Make the most of it, it may be deleted later. Although, I've talked myself pretty well into facing the consequences of my actions, so it'll probably stay.So, alcohol being the social lubricant that it is, I asked myself a few questions that I don't really like the answer to tonight. The answers are here, raw, for the world to see.
On Tracy:
Are you over her?
To be honest, I have no idea. I'm pretty sure that, right now, I've accepted that it's over between us, and as long as she's with Rob, we are not getting back together.
I would really, really love to believe that if she broke up with Rob and wanted me back, I would have the strength to say no. To be honest, the odds are about 60/40 against. Yes, she destroyed my world, but while we were together, she was "the one", and I have to accept that part of what killed our relationship was my own mind, constantly saying to me: "Yes, she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. But, you're 26 - are you ready to meet the person you want to spend your life with yet? More importantly, she's 21, and met you when she was 18 - is *she* ready for that?"
That is the question that constantly went through my mind for about the last 4 months of our relationship, and it's a killer. If I hadn't kept asking that question, and doubting my own, and maybe more importantly, her commitment, would we have broken up? Who knows? It's too late to answer now anyway. The only question that remains is: If she was single again, and I had the opportunity to pick up where we left off, would I take it?
I would really love to have the strength to say with 100% certainty that I'd tell her that it was too late; that she'd blown it; that what we had was gone. In truth, I still don't know if that's the case. Stone cold sober, I think there's maybe a 70% chance that I'd be able to walk away. Whether it would be for reasons of the heart, or reasons of stubbornness, is another question. Drunk, with my emotions on display for the world to see....I reckon those odds would drop to 40%.
So let's hope I don't meet her on a night out when we're both single. The sober part of my brain is still telling me that would be A Bad Thing.
Or would it?
posted by SingleGuy @ 9:39 pm
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