Getting to grips with single life isn't always that easy. Here's one twenty-something's day-to-day narrative of his relationship breakup and his life since.
Thursday, March 07, 2013
It's been a long time
Wow, I haven't updated here for a good while. I was going to start a new blog, but I figured this is still relevant, so why bother?
Anyway, what's been happening?
Well...I'm still single. I had a few 'things' with girls, but nothing that's gone anywhere. There are a couple of awesome people in my life, who I'll update you on in due course. Still working in the same place, but now living in Shelton, another part of Stoke on Trent closer to where I work. Which brings us nicely to the reason for starting blogging again actually.
See, last weekend, me and Hel (one of the aforementioned awesome people) stayed in an apartment in Manchester. We loved this apartment, it was amazing. We both agreed that we could totally live there quite happily. And that got me thinking....
When we got home, I did a bit of research. Turns out, an apartment like the one we stayed in, in Stoke, can be picked up for about £60,000, and the mortgage would be less than I’m currently paying in rent. However, if I want to move, I need a 10% deposit plus moving costs. Realistically, that’s pushing £10,000. Right now, I'm £3,000 in debt. That's £13,000 I need to get together if I want an apartment.
I do want an apartment.
And so to the blog. This isn't going to be a short journey, but by tracking my progress here, hopefully I can stay motivated. There are a few distinct areas I need to work on to get my apartment.
Declutter Right now, I'm in a two bedroom house. That's 4 main rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and 2 storerooms. I want a place with 1 bedroom, 1 lounge/kitchen area, 1 storeroom, and 1 bathroom. That means I'm looking to get rid of probably 90% of my stuff. So I'm going extreme. I intend to try and get into a position where I'm moving a single van load to the new place. So my target is: Front room: empty apart from the fridge/freezer. I have a side-by-side fridge freezer that I love, but it doesn't fit into my current kitchen.
Main Lounge: 1 sofa, 1 TV, 1 laptop, 1 ADSL router, 1 nest of tables.That's all I should need.
Bedroom: 1 bed, 1 small wardrobe worth of clothes (my current wardrobe is too large to move with me, but I'm buying a whole new bedroom set for the new place, so I'll just downsize for now), 1 TV, 1 laptop.
Front Bedroom: Totally Empty.
Upstairs Storeroom: Totally Empty
Kitchen: Microwave, kettle, small mixer, washing machine. All my gadgets (toaster, breadmaker, George Foreman Grill, dishwasher) are going. They're overkill.
Downstairs Storeroom: Hoover and ironing board.
I have never been so tempted just to set fire to a place and claim on on the insurance!
Budget
I'm terrible at budgeting. The argument in my head goes: "Oooh, shiny things." "Wait, you have debts to pay off." "Why do I need to pay off my debts?" "So you can buy shiny things" "But I can buy shiny things now" "Fair point, go ahead"
Now that attitude works fine when the shiny thing is a £2-300 toy, but doesn't scale so well to a £70,000 apartment. That in itself should help me budget better. I'm using the YNAB methodology to help me get on top of things for good. So far, it's going well, but it has only been 4 days. Again, I'll update the blog on deviations from the budget.
Lifestyle Change
This goes hand in hand with the budget. It's no good keeping on top of things if I'm just gonna use the extra money to hang out with my friends or buy new toys. I've got to start consciously saving the money, and getting into the mindset that every pound I spend is taking away from my house money. That means:
No wasting money on things I don't need and won't use, like gym memberships or kitchen gadgets
No more drinking on a school night. I'll allow myself the weekends, but I need to grow up and stop spending as much.
Every non-food purchase needs to be justified in terms of "Where will it go in the apartment?" If I don't have an answer, I can't have it. If I'm buying clothes, I need to nominate something for those clothes to replace, and the replaced clothes get given to charity.
I'm going to blog my progress on all fronts, as well as reinstating my occasional rants about women and dating. Things are gonna get interesting around here again.
This is a mixtape for when your head is in a place it really has no business being. She's not interested in you, but you can't help sitting around hoping she'll change your mind.
This ones for you, Amanda.
Sarina Paris - So I Wait Robbie Williams - Stalkers Day Off The Feeling - Love It When You Call Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting No Doubt - Excuse Me Mr Transvision Vamp - I Want Your Love Alice Deejay - Will I Ever Therapy - Screamager
Yeah, I know this vid was originally in the post below. I don't care. It's too fitting for tonight.
I might clean this post up later. When I'm more sober.
Don't count on it though.
Incidentally, I've just spent about half a Wii (at least one person knows what I mean) on new clothes to wear out tonight. I consider it my birthday present, and feel no guilt whatsoever about eating into my overdraft to buy these.
Why is it that, at Christmas time, advertisers decide that now is the time they're gonna make an effort? If they did this all year round, maybe not so many people would fast forward through the ads. To prove the point, here's a sample from just one brand for this year:
Well, after Halle cancelled on Friday, she invited me to hers instead. I went down to her, and left my wallet in the taxi. I didn't realise this until a few hours later, by which time the taxi driver had finished for the day, but his base told me he hadn't reported any lost wallets. In addition, Halle lives about 8-10 miles from my place, and I had £2 to my name. Buses are £1.50 a go, and I'd need two of them to get home.
So, I had to walk half way home so I could catch the second of the buses I'd need. In winter, in the freezing cold. On arriving home, I called the bank to cancel my cards. This is about where I realised it was Friday night. This means, the bank can cancel my cards, and they can send new ones, but it'll take 4-5 days for them to get here. By this time I have 30p in my pocket. I ask the bank what I can do for funds in the meantime, and they reply "No problem, you can write a cheque to yourself, take it into your local branch on Monday morning, along with ID, and they'll cash it for you.
So I have 30p to get through til Monday, and work to get to, and eat at, on Saturday and Sunday. The search for cash begins in earnest. My gym kit yields £1 that I always keep in there for the lockers. The penny jar has about £14 in small change. After a trip to Asda's change machine, that's converted to proper money, which gives me a total of £13 after the machine's taken it's commission. I'm on the late shift (which lasts til midnight - the last bus home is at 11:45pm. It's £6 for a taxi. Walking through the neighbourhood between my house and work, at night, would be a very silly idea. I should also mention at this point that I'm the most stubborn bastard in the world when it comes to screwing up - if it's my mistake that's got me into a situation, I refuse point blank to accept help from anyone to get me out of it.
Luckily, I keep a stock of food at work in case I get called in for an unexpected night shift. I also have a fully stocked kitchen, so I'm not gonna starve. Last night, I managed to get out of work early enough to catch the last bus home. This means I have £10 to get me through today, so I might even be able to stretch to a chocolate bar at work. I hate budgeting. My first job when I get my cards back is to hide some money somewhere within the house, so I'm never stuck in a situation like this again.
(The correct definition in the above link is the third one - all the others are clearly written by women, who have no idea how deadly man-flu is. Compared to this, childbirth is a walk in the park)
Grr...Halle just cancelled tonight's bowling. She already told me this morning her dad was ill and so wouldn't be able to give her a lift. No problem, I said, we can either meet at yours and get a taxi together, or you can get a taxi to bowling and I'll pay him when you get there.
Instead, she cancelled an hour before we're due to meet. Add to that the fact that we were due to meet on Wednesday, and she kept putting me off until it was too late to go, and I'm no longer proposing any dates with her. She can make the next move.
Those readers who are old enough to have been dating 10-15 years ago - before the advent of the MP3 player, CD burners and the easy availability of any music ever made via the internet - will remember this: When you started dating someone, one of the most romantic things you could do was a mix tape. It was romantic for two reasons: First, the content. Every song was in some way a message to your loved one. Secondly, the fact that you'd gone to the effort of making a mix tape counted for a lot.
See, back then, you couldn't just decide what you wanted, download it, and drop it onto a CD. A good mix tape could take months to compile. You'd have to find the music, either from your own collection, borrowing from friends or family, or even buying the album just for that one special track. Then, you'd have to listen to the track in real time so you could record it onto tape. There was a lot of effort involved, which is partly what was so cool about it.
A lot of that impact has been lost now that it's so easy and cheap to create a mix tape, but even so, it's still an awesome romantic gesture. Also, since it is so easy now, you don't really have any excuse. So, here's a rundown of the top 100 mix tape songs for inclusion on your own mix tapes. Some of these are borrowed from Sassy's blog, others are my own. This is a work in progress, so if you have any suggestions, add a comment!
100: UB40: Can't Help Falling In Love 99: Diana Ross and Lionel Richie: Dream A Little Dream 98: Stevie Wonder: I Just Called To Say I Love You 97: Nat King Cole: When I Fall In Love 98: Whitney Houston: I Will Always Love You 97: Shania Twain: From This Moment On 96: Brian McKnight: You Could Be The One 95: Cascada: Everytime We Touch (Yanou's Candlelight mix) 94: DJ Sammy: Heaven (Candlelight mix) 93: Kaci: I Think I Love You 92: Sarina Paris: Look At Us Now 91: Brian McKnight: Back At One
Well, things still seem to be going well with Halle. Although, I still haven't gotten any. In fact, I haven't even seen her since we went bowling on Friday. Tonight we're going bowling again, with Chastity, then on to McDonalds. A bit of variety would be nice, but I really have no idea how to entertain a toddler, so I'm sticking with what I know works!
It's strange. My first long term girlfriend, I met while we were both working at McDonalds. My second long term girlfriend, I met while she worked at McDonalds. If things do get serious between Halle and I...well, we first met when I worked at McDonalds and she was a customer. There seems to be a theme developing here.
Hmm...speaking of which, if Tracy's working tonight, it could make for an interesting visit.
