Single Life Rocks

Mixtape

2007-12-28T01:45:00.000+01:00

This is a mixtape for when your head is in a place it really has no business being. She's not interested in you, but you can't help sitting around hoping she'll change your mind.

This ones for you, Amanda.

Sarina Paris - So I Wait
Robbie Williams - Stalkers Day Off
The Feeling - Love It When You Call
Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting
No Doubt - Excuse Me Mr
Transvision Vamp - I Want Your Love
Alice Deejay - Will I Ever
Therapy - Screamager

That's all I can think of for now. Suggestions?

Ouch

2007-12-18T08:11:00.000+01:00

It's 7am, I was out til a little after 1am, and I'm now at work.

My head hurts.

And I didn't pull.

Birthday!

2007-12-17T23:16:00.003+01:00

Yeah, I know this vid was originally in the post below. I don't care. It's too fitting for tonight.

I might clean this post up later. When I'm more sober.

Don't count on it though.

Incidentally, I've just spent about half a Wii (at least one person knows what I mean) on new clothes to wear out tonight. I consider it my birthday present, and feel no guilt whatsoever about eating into my overdraft to buy these.

Christmas is great

2007-12-12T12:24:00.000+01:00

Why is it that, at Christmas time, advertisers decide that now is the time they're gonna make an effort? If they did this all year round, maybe not so many people would fast forward through the ads. To prove the point, here's a sample from just one brand for this year:

Lousy weekend

2007-12-09T11:24:00.000+01:00

Well, after Halle cancelled on Friday, she invited me to hers instead. I went down to her, and left my wallet in the taxi. I didn't realise this until a few hours later, by which time the taxi driver had finished for the day, but his base told me he hadn't reported any lost wallets. In addition, Halle lives about 8-10 miles from my place, and I had £2 to my name. Buses are £1.50 a go, and I'd need two of them to get home.

So, I had to walk half way home so I could catch the second of the buses I'd need. In winter, in the freezing cold. On arriving home, I called the bank to cancel my cards. This is about where I realised it was Friday night. This means, the bank can cancel my cards, and they can send new ones, but it'll take 4-5 days for them to get here. By this time I have 30p in my pocket. I ask the bank what I can do for funds in the meantime, and they reply "No problem, you can write a cheque to yourself, take it into your local branch on Monday morning, along with ID, and they'll cash it for you.

So I have 30p to get through til Monday, and work to get to, and eat at, on Saturday and Sunday. The search for cash begins in earnest. My gym kit yields £1 that I always keep in there for the lockers. The penny jar has about £14 in small change. After a trip to Asda's change machine, that's converted to proper money, which gives me a total of £13 after the machine's taken it's commission. I'm on the late shift (which lasts til midnight - the last bus home is at 11:45pm. It's £6 for a taxi. Walking through the neighbourhood between my house and work, at night, would be a very silly idea. I should also mention at this point that I'm the most stubborn bastard in the world when it comes to screwing up - if it's my mistake that's got me into a situation, I refuse point blank to accept help from anyone to get me out of it.

Luckily, I keep a stock of food at work in case I get called in for an unexpected night shift. I also have a fully stocked kitchen, so I'm not gonna starve. Last night, I managed to get out of work early enough to catch the last bus home. This means I have £10 to get me through today, so I might even be able to stretch to a chocolate bar at work. I hate budgeting. My first job when I get my cards back is to hide some money somewhere within the house, so I'm never stuck in a situation like this again.

And to top it off, I have man-flu.

(The correct definition in the above link is the third one - all the others are clearly written by women, who have no idea how deadly man-flu is. Compared to this, childbirth is a walk in the park)

Halle's Freezing Over

2007-12-07T18:23:00.000+01:00

Grr...Halle just cancelled tonight's bowling. She already told me this morning her dad was ill and so wouldn't be able to give her a lift. No problem, I said, we can either meet at yours and get a taxi together, or you can get a taxi to bowling and I'll pay him when you get there.

Instead, she cancelled an hour before we're due to meet. Add to that the fact that we were due to meet on Wednesday, and she kept putting me off until it was too late to go, and I'm no longer proposing any dates with her. She can make the next move.

The Top 100 Mix Tape Songs

2007-12-07T15:14:00.001+01:00

Those readers who are old enough to have been dating 10-15 years ago - before the advent of the MP3 player, CD burners and the easy availability of any music ever made via the internet - will remember this: When you started dating someone, one of the most romantic things you could do was a mix tape. It was romantic for two reasons: First, the content. Every song was in some way a message to your loved one. Secondly, the fact that you'd gone to the effort of making a mix tape counted for a lot.

See, back then, you couldn't just decide what you wanted, download it, and drop it onto a CD. A good mix tape could take months to compile. You'd have to find the music, either from your own collection, borrowing from friends or family, or even buying the album just for that one special track. Then, you'd have to listen to the track in real time so you could record it onto tape. There was a lot of effort involved, which is partly what was so cool about it.

A lot of that impact has been lost now that it's so easy and cheap to create a mix tape, but even so, it's still an awesome romantic gesture. Also, since it is so easy now, you don't really have any excuse. So, here's a rundown of the top 100 mix tape songs for inclusion on your own mix tapes. Some of these are borrowed from Sassy's blog, others are my own. This is a work in progress, so if you have any suggestions, add a comment!

100: UB40: Can't Help Falling In Love
99: Diana Ross and Lionel Richie: Dream A Little Dream
98: Stevie Wonder: I Just Called To Say I Love You
97: Nat King Cole: When I Fall In Love
98: Whitney Houston: I Will Always Love You
97: Shania Twain: From This Moment On
96: Brian McKnight: You Could Be The One
95: Cascada: Everytime We Touch (Yanou's Candlelight mix)
94: DJ Sammy: Heaven (Candlelight mix)
93: Kaci: I Think I Love You
92: Sarina Paris: Look At Us Now
91: Brian McKnight: Back At One

[To Be Continued...]

More Halle

2007-12-07T15:00:00.000+01:00

Well, things still seem to be going well with Halle. Although, I still haven't gotten any. In fact, I haven't even seen her since we went bowling on Friday. Tonight we're going bowling again, with Chastity, then on to McDonalds. A bit of variety would be nice, but I really have no idea how to entertain a toddler, so I'm sticking with what I know works!

It's strange. My first long term girlfriend, I met while we were both working at McDonalds. My second long term girlfriend, I met while she worked at McDonalds. If things do get serious between Halle and I...well, we first met when I worked at McDonalds and she was a customer. There seems to be a theme developing here.

Hmm...speaking of which, if Tracy's working tonight, it could make for an interesting visit.

Some people are just so selfish

2007-12-03T06:15:00.001+01:00

It's Christmas

2007-12-02T02:06:00.000+01:00

It was on TV tonight. This means it is now officially Christmas time.

Now we just need to see if it's rival from last year will make an appearance. For the non-brits, here it is:

The second date (with child)

2007-12-01T04:07:00.000+01:00

Well, that's two dates with Halle in the space of a week. Again, we were totally comfortable with each other, and got on great. This time, we went bowling. With her daughter.

I'll be honest, that last part scared me. I don't usually "do" kids. I'm the guy who physically cringes when I hear kids screaming in public places, even though they're not mine. I'm the guy who can't use public transport without an iPod and some very good noise-isolating earbuds. If there was gonna be a dealbreaker, this would be it. Which, to be totally honest, is the main reason I agreed to it. If there's gonna be a dealbreaker, I want to know about it early on, before I let her into my heart.

I was surprised. At myself more than anything. Her daughter was adorable. A typical 3 year old - full of life, shy unless she wants something, and the sort of smile that makes grannies instinctively reach for the Werthers Original. Not only that, but I was actually able to interact with her. I helped her line up the kiddy ramp for her shot at bowling. I guided her through using the kids 'play-til-you-win-but-you-only-get-a-few-sweets' grabber machine. After bowling, we went back to Halle's place, and I helped her do a jigsaw.

This is a big deal. I don't interact with kids. I mean, at all. Usually, I sit there trying to be inconspicuous, hoping they won't bug me. This girl could have been my own daughter for all anyone could tell - it just seemed to come naturally.

The point I'm trying to make is, the kid wasn't a dealbreaker. We had a great time, and if I'm not mistaken, this is the first time I've come away from a date, having seen no more action than a quick peck on the lips as I'm leaving, and still having had a great night.

Date #3 is on Wednesday. We're meeting up in the day for lunch and shopping, then picking up her daughter from school. At which point, we'll either find something fun to do, or I'll walk them both home.

The only downside so far? Sex. There isn't going to be any while she's living with her parents. See, Halle and her daughter share a bed. This means two things: I can't stay there, because, well, she sleeps with her daughter. Halle can't stay with me because she's not going to have her daughter sleep in a full sized bed unsupervised, even with her own parents in the next room. This means that, if I decide to take this a step further, I'm basically declaring myself chaste until she has her own place with a room for Chastity (that seems an appropriate pseudonym for the daughter)

Halle

2007-11-29T01:43:00.001+01:00

Halle is a girl who has been in my MSN address book for quite a while. I have no idea how she got there, but there you go. Anyway, on Monday, we were both online, and she said hi. We got to chatting, and I learned that she used to come through drive thru years ago when I worked at McDonalds, and she recognised me instantly. Anyway, we arranged a date, and met up tonight.

I recognised her immediately. At the time, I would have been 18, her 14. She used to always come through drive thru, insist on placing the order, all the while giving me shy smiles. At the end of the order, when I'd ask "Is there anything else?" one of her sisters would pipe up "Yeah, she wants your number!"

So we went to the cinema, and watched Good Luck Chuck, which is about the most chick-flicky film on at the moment. Not a bad film, but it does seem to encourage clingyness a little too much for my liking.

The downside: Halle has a daughter. I'll get that out of the way now, because I recently updated my online profiles to specifically rule out single mums. However, I'm not necessarily opposed to the idea of dating a single mum in itself. It's more the fact that, when it comes to online dating, there seems to be a correlation between single mums and a tendency to latch onto anyone who looks like a potential dad.

On the upside, we got along great. There was an immediate chemistry, and none of the usual first-date awkwardness. After the film, we went along to the casino for a coffee, and I showed her how to lose at roulette. Then I showed her how to lose at Two Way (a variation of hold-em poker, played against the house). We had a kiss on her way back to meet her dad, who was picking her up, and that was that.

Tonight, we've chatted a little on MSN, and on Friday evening, we're meeting again. This time, we're taking her daughter bowling, so I'll get a chance to see how we all get on together. That will probably be the deciding factor in whether or not there's long term potential here. Right now, I think there might be.

Watch this space.

Holiday Update

2007-11-29T01:38:00.000+01:00

Well, despite having nearly 3 weeks off work, I've done hardly anything of note with all this freedom. The first week, I just lazed around the house, doing precious little of anything.

For the second weekend, I decided to go to Blackpool for the weekend, purely on a whim. I had originally planned to check out the poker down there, but it turned out to be a UK Poker Tour final, costing £1000 just to sit down - a little beyond my bankroll, so I went drinking instead. I danced with a girl, but nothing of interest happened.

Last weekend, I went out with Si and Kel, since Kel can now drink again. I met a girl, got her number, but in the cold light of day, she's not really my type. Also, she has a boyfriend, so once again, no deal.

That brings us up to Monday. Which is where we pick back up. Until now, a very boring holiday.

It's the WEEEEKEND!!

2007-11-09T18:37:00.000+01:00

Finally! It's Friday! 20 whole days of not being at work!

Tonight, I plan to drink heavily, then dance in that special way that you can only pull off after a few drinks.

Song of the day: Special D - Come With Me

I'm stressed

2007-11-08T01:47:00.000+01:00

I have no idea why, but I've been seriously short tempered just lately. Maybe it's night shifts, and the fact that I haven't seen daylight for a week. Maybe it's because I haven't been to the gym for a while, and I don't have any other physical release.

Whatever it is, I'm feeling seriously tense, and something must be done. I have 20 days holiday booked after tomorrow. The plan is to spend Friday night getting very, very drunk, and the rest of the weekend relaxing. Monday, I check out the local gym.

Y'know what'd really help? Someone I care about, a comfortable bed, and a bottle of massage oil. I have two of these.

Song of the day: Blues Brothers - Everybody Needs Somebody

Back away slowly.....

2007-11-06T09:22:00.000+01:00

Last night, I forgot my phone when I went to work. I half expected to get back to three or four texts from Cat, each one increasingly angry. I was wrong. There was just one text. Whether it's better or worse than multiple increasingly annoyed ones, I'll let you decide:

Well you are a shithead ain't ya? Bryan certainly had you worked out wrong!

I have no idea what that refers to. My best guess is that she's mad because I didn't text her yesterday. She didn't text me either. Whatever, if there was a line, she's crossed it.

NEXT!

Song of the day: The Offspring - She's Got Issues

Critique my online dating profile

2007-11-05T03:02:00.000+01:00

When I've done the online dating thing before, I've always made the typical male mistake - I've gone for a generic profile that doesn't really rule out anyone. Well, after my recent online experiences, it's time to get fussier. So here's my new profile. Tell me what you think.

About Me
I'm a fun loving, hard working guy, living in Stoke. I'm very caring and honest - some people say too honest, whatever that means! I'm looking for that special someone who totally rocks my world.

I like going to pubs, clubs, casino's, that kind of thing. Although for a date, you can't beat a nice italian or steak at a cosy backstreet restaurant (you know the ones - old music, wine bottle candles, and the best food in Stoke).

What I want
I'm looking for the kind of person who has her own life too - I'm very independent, and while I do want someone I can spend time with, there's a very fine line between attentive and just plain clingy! Also, although I'd love to have kids of my own someday, I'm honestly not up for the challenge of playing dad to someone elses kids. Sorry mums, but I'd rather be up front than waste both our times.

The First Date
Aah, now for the first date, I reckon the best bet is either a coffee or a pub lunch, early afternoon. That way, if we don't get on, we're not in that horrible awkward situation where it's just not working but we can't leave because there's food coming or we're stuck in a cinema with Fat Smelly Bloke to the left and Mobile Phone Girls to the right. If we do get on, we can discuss the perfect 'proper' first date from there.

I know, ruling out the clingy ones and the mums probably rules out about 90% of the women who do the online dating thing. I don't care, they're not my type anyway and they just make life more complicated than it needs to be.

So...whaddya think? Any thoughts to improve on this? Answers on a postcard, kids.

Song of the day: Dwight Yoakam - Ain't That Lonely Yet

Yep, I was right

2007-11-04T23:36:00.000+01:00

Cat's too clingy.

We were texting on Friday night, all well and good. Over the weekend, we didn't text. Note the we. I didn't text her. She didn't text me. Today, I get this gem:

So..have you been trying to give me a hint these last few days?

Excuse me? Two days of me not contacting her (and her not contacting me, let's not forget) doesn't equal a hint of anything. Especially when she's on night shifts, and I have no idea a) what hours she sleeps when she's on nights, and b) whether or not her phone is on silent while she's asleep.

Is it just me? Is it actually normal in the early stages of dating to not go more than 12 hours without contact? The women of Stoke certainly seem to think so.

Song of the day: Blink 182 - Mutt

Alcohol brings out the honestly in me.

2007-11-02T21:39:00.000+01:00

Yes, this is another drunk post. Make the most of it, it may be deleted later. Although, I've talked myself pretty well into facing the consequences of my actions, so it'll probably stay.

So, alcohol being the social lubricant that it is, I asked myself a few questions that I don't really like the answer to tonight. The answers are here, raw, for the world to see.

On Tracy:

Are you over her?
To be honest, I have no idea. I'm pretty sure that, right now, I've accepted that it's over between us, and as long as she's with Rob, we are not getting back together.

I would really, really love to believe that if she broke up with Rob and wanted me back, I would have the strength to say no. To be honest, the odds are about 60/40 against. Yes, she destroyed my world, but while we were together, she was "the one", and I have to accept that part of what killed our relationship was my own mind, constantly saying to me: "Yes, she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. But, you're 26 - are you ready to meet the person you want to spend your life with yet? More importantly, she's 21, and met you when she was 18 - is *she* ready for that?"

That is the question that constantly went through my mind for about the last 4 months of our relationship, and it's a killer. If I hadn't kept asking that question, and doubting my own, and maybe more importantly, her commitment, would we have broken up? Who knows? It's too late to answer now anyway. The only question that remains is: If she was single again, and I had the opportunity to pick up where we left off, would I take it?

I would really love to have the strength to say with 100% certainty that I'd tell her that it was too late; that she'd blown it; that what we had was gone. In truth, I still don't know if that's the case. Stone cold sober, I think there's maybe a 70% chance that I'd be able to walk away. Whether it would be for reasons of the heart, or reasons of stubbornness, is another question. Drunk, with my emotions on display for the world to see....I reckon those odds would drop to 40%.

So let's hope I don't meet her on a night out when we're both single. The sober part of my brain is still telling me that would be A Bad Thing.

Or would it?

Song of the day #2

2007-11-02T21:03:00.000+01:00

This is drunk posting again. Probably a bad idea, but hey. I'm watching a movie (i'll let you guess which one, but I will say it was more because it's a pub/drinking movie that always made me happy than because it reminds me of 'her'. Although, yeah, it does that too), and got the following quote:

I remember the first time my mother played Bridge Over Troubled Waters, by Simon and Garfunkle. I remember exactly what she was wearing; I remember exactly how her hair smelt; and I remember exactly how I felt. And every time I hear that song: I remember exactly what she was wearing; I remember exactly how her hair smelt; and I remember exactly how I felt.

For me, this is Simon and Garfunkle. And because I had to find it for the purposes of blogging it, it may just ruin my night out. This will be a determining factor in how 'over her' I really am.

Song of the day: Brian McKnight - Back At One

We have an ex

2007-11-02T12:51:00.000+01:00

One detail I forgot to mention about the date with Cat - while we were having a drink in Revolution, Bryan walked in. Bryan is a guy I used to work with back in my bartending days. He also knew Cat, and she was quite surprised that he knew me. She explained that the two of them work together.

Anyway, Cat was at work last night. She sent me a text saying that Bryan had demanded all the gossip, and she'd taken great pleasure in indulging him. While we were texting, it transpired that Bryan is actually an ex of hers. This morning, I got a text off her saying that "she'd given Bryan my number, and I must have a gift because he doesn't usually get on with anyone" and an hour later, I got this gem from him:

Hi mate. Hope you don't mind me getting your number off Cat. Don't mean to be direct but I don't think you could keep a bird like Cat. I was surprised to say the least seeing you together, from the sounds of it you ain't in to her anyway which again surprised to hear, but wanted to let you know, she's in a different league mate. Again nothin against you, and it's not meant nasty, and it's not cause I'm one of her ex's, i'm not stupid I know she'd never have me back. But just wanted to share my opinions. If you are interested and can keep her I apologise, and fuckin well done! Anyway good to see you.

Make of that one what you will.

Song of the day: Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know

Not a bad night

2007-11-01T14:37:00.000+01:00

You can always tell it's going to be a strange night, when you're sharing a bus with two clowns, a policewoman in uniform, and a female construction worker, complete with hard hat, all on their way for a night on the town. Still, that's what happens when your first date is on Halloween. Yep, last night was the date with Cat.

We met outside the cinema at 8 - early enough to figure out the times, then go and hide in a pub somewhere until it starts. After a bit of browsing, we decided on 30 Days of Night - you can't really do a halloween date and not watch a horror. She insisted on paying, practically shoving me out of the way.

While we were waiting for the film to start, we went to Revolution for cocktails. Usually, cocktails are more expensive, but I already knew she likes vodka and redbull, which is stupidly expensive everywhere anyway, so no matter. I got her a RBNY (Vodka redbull, but with apple vodka), and I got a Del Boy - pineapple juice, Malibu, vodka and Blue Curacao. For her round, she got a Russian Bride, and I got a Jammy Dodger (I have no idea what was in it...but it was red and lumpy. Strangely tasty though, despite it's menstrual appearances).

By the time we got to the cinema, we'd loosened up a little, and got the first kiss out of the way just as we were sitting down. The cinema was packed, so we had to behave, but she still ended up with wandering hands.

After the film, we went back to her place. She'd already told me she was living in a flat above a shop, and when we got back, I was quite surprised at how nice it was. Flats above shops are usually dingy, nasty holes. This was modern, clean, and very nice.

After a bit of heavy petting in the living room, we moved things to the bedroom, where we stayed for the next 3 hours or so, swapping between sex and chat. She accused me of being emotionless, which I suppose is fairly accurate for me, at least on the first few dates. Let's face it, if I got butterflies and emotions for every first date, I'd be just about due my third or fourth nervous breakdown by now.

At 2am, she kicked me out, because "firstly, I only have a single bed, and secondly, I don't want to do the awkward morning after thing." On the way home, I got a text off her - "Still friends?" I replied that of course we were and I had a good night, and we bid each other sweet dreams.

So overall, not a bad date at all. As I said before, physically, she's not *completely* my type, but I could also do a lot worse. Also, she's in no doubt that I'm not making any commitments to her (in fact, she refused to even acknowledge last night as a date - it was a 'meeting' to see if we get on before we arrange a date, apparently), so I don't need to feel tied down.

Will there be a second date? Who knows. It's certainly possible.

Song of the day: Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch

Win some, lose some

2007-10-29T08:01:00.000+01:00

Well, I met Sar last night, as planned. We met around 8, and went to Aruba for a drink. Physically, she looked great. The conversation flowed, and we had a pretty good time.

There won't be a second date.

Shame really - it was a very enjoyable evening. But, when we finished the drink and left, she asked how I was getting home. I said I was going to hop in a taxi or grab the bus. At this point, she commented that she was driving, and lived in the opposite direction. Then, "Nice to meet you", and she was off. No hug, no peck on the cheek, not even an offer of a lift home, even though she lives near me.

I know that doesn't sound like much, but I've gotten good enough at reading between the lines to know that means she isn't interested. So, we had an enjoyable night, and we'll leave it at that.

Song of the day: Fragma - Move On

Cat

2007-10-28T12:11:00.000+01:00

Why is it that, whenever I mention that I'm not doing the internet thing anymore, loads on internet women come out of the woodwork? I met Cat on text chat last night. We ended up speaking on the phone for a little over an hour, and we're meeting up on Wednesday for cinema and a drink. So far, she seems refreshingly normal, although very probing. There's potential for her to be another clingy one...we shall see.

Either way, it makes my wednesday more interesting than sitting home getting drunk.

Tonight's the date with Sar. Wish me luck.

Song of the day: Calvin Harris - The Girls

Valentines Day, 2006

2007-10-27T05:15:00.000+01:00

I spent the whole day preparing. I called her work, swore them to secrecy, and made them promise that she'd be finishing on time that day. Next, a visit to Lush, and a few bath bombs with rose petals in. Then the card shop, for confetti (little red hearts). The flower shop for fresh rose petals and a dozen red roses, with 2 yellow ones in the middle (for our 2nd Valentines Day together). Finally, Tesco's provided the strawberrys and chocolate sauce.

Back home, I recovered the teddy bear from the garage, and moved the champagne from my beer fridge upstairs, where it had been keeping cold but hidden, to the normal fridge. The confetti and petals were scattered in a path from the front door to the bath, and the bathroom filled with scented candles. Half an hour before she's due back, the bath is run, and I spend the next 20 minutes getting the temperature just right. The champagne goes on ice in readyness.

When she came home, I deliberately stayed out of the way. A note on the living room door told her simply to go and have a bath, and relax. I gave her a few minutes to get comfortable, and then went up to her, with a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a bowl of strawberries with chocolate dip on the side.

After her bath, we went downstairs, and I cooked dinner while she relaxed. Then we put on "Down With Love", the same film we watched on our first date. Then to bed, and a massage for her. The rest is censored.

We were finding little red confetti hearts around for house for months after that day.

Why am I bringing this up now? Well, the new house is mostly wooden floors, so the vacuum cleaner isn't getting as much use as it used to. Today though, I had to empty the bag. And out came a huge load of little red love hearts. Great - now I'll be finding them all over *this* house too!

So Tracy, this is for you. If we'd broken up a month earlier (and things were definitely already over by then), the timings in this song would have been exactly right on Valentines Day 2007. Spooky, huh?

Song of the day: Brian McKnight - 6, 8, 12

Sar

2007-10-26T02:05:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, Sar added me as a favourite on her dating site of choice. So I sent her a message, and we got chatting. She's 27, slim, blonde, and a supermarket manager. Sounds OK to me. We have a date Sunday. Watch this space...

Reason #2 not to drink and blog

2007-10-25T17:27:00.000+01:00

I'm posting this blog entry using the handwriting recognition on my laptop. I tried training it to recognise my voice so I could try dictation, but it's shit so I gave up.

The reason I'm having to go to such lengths? My keyboard is currently on the draining board, having had a drink of vodka redbull with me last night. It decided it didn't want to work, so I've taken it off, washed it, and now it's drying. Hopefully that'll cure it - a new one's £70!

Song of the day: Leave Britney Alone - Trance Remix

Don't drink and blog, kids

2007-10-24T23:07:00.000+01:00

See, some people, when they post drunk, post some really deep, heavy shit that means a lot - it's some of their best work.

My own drunken thoughts?

I hate that Vince Vaughn's character in Swingers is called Rob. That is all.

Maybe I'll post something deep and meaningful later. Don't count on it.

Vegas baby, vegas.

Sara

2007-10-22T03:04:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know I said I wouldn't do online dating again, but she approached me, so it's OK. Kinda.

Sara sent me a message on an online dating site on Saturday. We sent each other a few texts, and agreed to meet on Sunday before I went to work. Upside: Sara has a cheeky, but cool attitude, and is easy to get on with. Downside: Sara is 4 months out of an abusive relationship, is 6 months pregnant, and lives in a shelter for homeless lone parents.

In a nutshell - although we got on OK, we're not gonna be more than friends. Although I will admit we ended up in bed together on Sunday. Nice girl, and from chatting, we're from fairly similar backgrounds. The big difference is, while she has accepted her upbringing as a recurring theme, I heard todays song of the day at age 17 and thought "Hell no". This means that, although 15 years ago we may have been in the same place, right now, we're totally different, and it'll never work out.

Besides...I haven't spent the last 10 years taking care not to get someone pregnant, just to take over someone elses failure to buy condoms this late in the game. Selfish, I know, but hey, I'm single - who else am I gonna look out for if not me?

Song of the day: The Offspring - Way Down The Line

Sarah

2007-10-19T19:56:00.000+01:00

OK, so as promised, a little about Sarah. Not that there's a whole lot to tell.

I met Sarah about 10 months ago - I was in Jaks and she seemed to be on her own, so we got chatting, and ended up back at my place. We bumped into each other a few times over the next few months, and slept together a few more times, but nothing serious. Physically, she's exactly my type, but we have totally different personalities and lifestyles, so there's never going to be more than sex. In fact, we hadn't seen each other for about 6 months.

The only reason she came back into the picture is because I remembered she was from Tunstall, which is where I now live. I sent her a random text to see how she's doing these days, and it turns out she's only a few streets away from me. I went round there the other day, and we had a chat and a bit of a catch up. In a nutshell, we've made ourselves available for random booty calls, and I potentially have a new local drinking buddy.

Song of the day: Lords of Acid - Pussy

Very weird hangover

2007-10-18T18:01:00.000+01:00

Well, last night I decided to go drinking. Normally, when this happens, I can remember things the morning after. If I can't, it's usually because I've drunk so much that my body is no longer functional, evidence of which can usually be found in the form of vomit.

Today is different. I have no memory at all of last night, but all signs point to me being fairly functional. I remember talking to a random guy in Reflex, and us getting on very well. I don't remember leaving Reflex. I remember the bouncer at Brassingtons asking me to recite the alphabet before letting me in, and me doing so to his satisfaction. I don't remember being in Brassingtons. I vaguely remember going into Fluid. I don't remember being in Fluid, or leaving.

I woke up at 11am this morning. I was naked, on the floor. This was odd, but not entirely unusual - the floor often doesn't move as much when I'm drunk. My phone was not in my jeans. It was in my dressing gown pocket. A little more random, but OK. I staggered downstairs for a glass of water, where I found my shirt. Going into the kitchen, I found three multipack bags of various crisps. The cupboard yielded some beans, oatcakes, and 3 packs of Jammie Dodgers. The freezer has been fully stocked with pizza and Ben & Jerrys, and the fridge has acquired some custart tarts and powerade. Powerade is my hangover drink of choice, so it seems I was at least planning ahead. I have no memory of going shopping - a task that you would expect requires some degree of consciousness. The receipt says I went at 2am, and paid by card. I'd also clearly managed to get a taxi home, get undressed, and was even functional enough to remember to take out my contact lenses. I just can't remember any of it.

On checking my phone, I found I'd sent random messages to Sarah. Sarah hasn't been discussed here yet, but she will be. At this point I gave up and went back to sleep.

Now, it's 6pm, I've slept all day, and my head hurts. I'm very, very confused as to what exactly happened last night. I sent Sarah a text asking what I sent her last night, and telling her I couldn't remember a thing. She hasn't replied yet. In hindsight, I should probably have waited until I found out whether or not we had sex before letting on about my lost memory.

Since today is very random...have an equally random song.

Song of the day: Avenue Q - The Internet is for Porn

Rob = Gaz

2007-10-17T23:20:00.000+01:00

Randomly watching TV tonight, I realised who Rob reminded me of (may only make sense for UK readers). Strangely, I can actually imagine this exact conversation taking place within a few days of our break up, just because Gaz's personality matches Rob's exactly:

Just call me Jonny

Dumped? Err...what now?

2007-10-17T22:57:00.000+01:00

I had a text off Caz today. I quote it verbatim:

HI TIM, TIM DO YOU THINK FAIR ON ME? I HAVE SEEN YOU FOR OVEN TWO WEEKS NOW AND ALL I SEEN TO GET HIS YOUR ANSWER PHONE ITS HIS OVEN BETWEEN US TWO CAUSE SICK WAY YOU ARE TREAT ME. DO NOT TEXT BACK OR PHONE.

Now, like you, I had no clue what that meant. The last sentence kinda translates the gist of it to "you're dumped." I think. If it is...errr..hang on one sec. This is someone I've been on three dates with. I didn't even realise we were 'together', let alone 'dumped.'

I would like to clear up one point here though, since I've complained about Caz a lot here, and I don't want anyone jumping to the wrong conclusion. I see technology as a great thing. However, technology is a device for convenience, not obligation. By that, I mean: My phone is there for my convenience, not for the convenience of those wishing to get hold of me. If it's not convenient for me to talk, no matter how trivial the reason, I won't answer. Now it doesn't matter whether I'm playing poker, in a meeting at work, socialising with friends, or just watching TV and can't be arsed to do anything else - if I'm happy with what I'm doing and can't be arsed to potentially change my plans, I just won't answer my phone, pure and simple. It worked 20 years ago, I don't see why things should be so different now. All my friends (Caz included) know it's better to text me than to call - I'll usually respond to texts, whereas missed calls I tend not to worry about.

Still, that saves me the trouble of dumping her at least, which is nice. I didn't reply to her text - she told me not to text, after all.

Song of the day: Mya - Case of the Ex

Ladies

2007-10-15T03:33:00.000+01:00

Look after your health. Please.

Reminiscence

2007-10-15T03:10:00.000+01:00

Song of the day: Garbage - The Trick is to Keep Breathing

And she's out...

2007-10-09T16:28:00.000+01:00

Sami didn't turn up. I waited my standard courtesy 10 minutes before giving up, then went to grab some food and buy some DVD's instead. This is why I always try to have a plan B for a first date - just occasionally, you'll get one that doesn't turn up. That's no big deal, as long as they don't subsequently try and reschedule. Sorry, it wasn't important enough for you to bother turning up the first time, so don't bother trying for a second.

Song of the day: Chumbawamba - Tubthumping

Caz

2007-10-08T16:39:00.000+01:00

I was right about Caz - she is too keen. We've been on maybe 3 dates so far. The first two were in pubs, and she was literally totally silent, barely contributing anything to the conversation, which makes talking to her seriously hard work. So our last date, we went to the cinema. NOW, she decides she wants to talk! Grrr.

The kicker was last week - she called up and asked what I was doing that weekend, and I told her I was busy. She kept on probing, trying to find out what I was doing at each moment of the day, and commented that if I went to play poker on Sunday, it would mean I'd go through the whole weekend without seeing her. Her tone of voice suggested that this was a Bad Thing.

Girl tip: 3 dates in is too early to get clingy. It's too early to make demands on each other's time. And trying to put the brakes on poker night after three dates? Well, that's just about a death warrant for a potential relationship right there.

Song of the day: Alice Deejay - Better Off Alone

Exit Kim, Enter Sami

2007-10-06T15:10:00.000+01:00

Well, I got a text off Kim this morning - apparently, she's gotten back with her ex. I've wished her all the best, and made myself available to talk if things don't work out. Shame, she was hot. Still, it was nice while it lasted. And there's always Sami...

I've been texting Sami for a few days now. She's 19, very cute, and seems like a decent laugh. I'm meeting her on tuesday. There's not much more to say about her yet...we shall see how it goes.

Kim

2007-10-01T11:47:00.000+01:00

Well, yesterday was new parents day. For the afternoon, me and Simon went to play poker, while Kel stayed home to babysit (and for those who know their poker, I went out with the sickest of sick beats - I had 88, opponent had QT - flop came 8TT giving me a full house, and he caught a queen on the river to give him the bigger full house. I swore).

For the night, we left Simon to babysit, while I took Kel to Jaks for her first night out since Jayden was born. Part way through the night, I met Kim. Kim is 18 (I know, a little young - my only reservation), very sweet, works at Revolution (very funky cocktail bar in Hanley), and was also extremely drunk. I took her out for some fresh air, and held her hair back while she threw up her drinks. Then we got food, and I held her hair back while she threw that up too. Since she was clearly done for the night, we headed back into Jaks, got her some water, and I jumped in a taxi with her to make sure she got back safe. Once she'd been dropped off, I went back to Jaks to make sure Kel got home OK.

Today, me and Kim have been texting a lot, and I'm just about to head down to Hanley again, to go and grab a cuppa with her and see how we get on when she's sober. From my point of view at least, she *definitely* has potential.

Update: After a thoroughly enjoyable pub lunch, we have learned two things: Me and Kim get on well, and Kim is not looking for a full on boyfriend. Add these two things together, and it seems I have a new fuck buddy. Which is nice.

Janey Lou

2007-09-29T11:16:00.000+01:00

So I had another crack at internet dating, trying once again to find some truth in the stereotype that the internet is full of cute punky, slightly geeky girls with pierced tongues.

Stereotypes - you lie. There are no cute punky girls on the internet. And the ones that are are either being paid, or are actually 40 year old, balding males using a photo of one of the ones who's being paid.

Anyway. Janey Lou.

Well, she was female. That's always a nice start. We couldn't go on a 'date' because she has two kids, so we planned a night at her place. Now I'm thinking, cuddle up on the sofa, stick on a DVD on, order a Domino's, open a bottle of wine. Y'know, a nice night in.

What actually happened is we spent a night sitting on the sofa, her lounging all over me, watching Ant and Decs Saturday Night Takeaway.

Daytime TV is bad enough. Saturday night TV is just terrible. Both are aimed at that demographic who have absolutely nothing better to do with their lives than sit home. And then people call *me* sad, because I'd rather go and DO something than watch bloody X-Factor.

OK, that'll do for now.

So yeah, we end up in bed together. Now girls, listen closely, this is important. If this blog educates one woman on the importance of this next point, my work will be done.

If you're on the rag, this is information we like to know. And when I say we like to know, I mean we like you to tell us about it. Having the painters in is *not* your cue to turn the lights off and go right ahead anyway, leaving us looking like an extra from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

And then, just to really make the night a total success, at 8am the next morning, we were awoken by what I can only assume to be the child from the Frank ad (below). I was just waiting for him to start chanting "How long are you gonna feel like that for?!?"

A long time yet kid. A bloody long time.

Well that was surreal

2007-09-22T19:37:00.000+01:00

Karma is a strange beast. You know how, when you first break up with someone, your mind starts to play out all kinds of weird things you could do to try and get her back? Well, sometimes, if you tell your mind to shut the fuck up and just leave your ex to it, karma will come around a little later and thank you for your efforts. Case in point:

Yesterday, I was bored. So I sent Kerry a text to see what she was up to. We went to the pub, and ended up heading up Hanley to make a night of it. We got into Jaks about half 10, when it was still fairly quiet. Guess who was there? Rob, Tracy and Jenny (Tracy's sister). Apparently it was Tracy's birthday last night, and they were out celebrating.

For those who haven't been with us since the start, let's just do a quick recap. Tracy is my ex, who left me for my best mate Rob about a year ago. Kerry is Robs ex - they split up about 6 years ago.

So anyway, Kerry heads over to say hi to Rob. I head over to say hi to Tracy. I congratulate her on the rumour I hear that they're getting a place together, and wish her all the best. Jenny comes over and we chat for 5 minutes, just catching up on random shit.

About 10 minutes later Rob comes storming over, with the excuse that he wants half the deposit from the house me and Tracy were living in together. I tell him they're not getting anything, and he storms off. A few minutes later, he demands to talk to me outside. I refuse, but agree to go somewhere we can hear each other.

At which point, he proceeds to go off on me, saying that I chose to ditch our friendship because I couldn't handle him and Tracy, and that if I didn't want to be friends, I should stay the fuck away from them both and not try to wish them all the best. I told him that if that's how he wanted to view things between us, that was OK by me, but I still considered myself on good terms with Tracy and Jenny, and wasn't going to be an ignorant bastard around them.

He also called me a hypocrite for going out with Kerry, and from his rantings, this was quite clearly the real issue he had. Meanwhile, poor Tracy's standing in the corner crying her eyes out, because it's just as obvious to her what's going on as it is to me - the love of her life is kicking off because a lad he doesn't hang around with anymore is out with a girl he split up with 6 years ago.

Basically, the conversation ended with Rob telling me to watch my back. I said fine and walked away.

That was a totally random night, but as I said to Kerry, an interesting one, and one which I think said a lot more about Rob than it did about me. It'll be interesting to see how this one plays out.

Kerry redux

2007-09-17T00:50:00.000+01:00

Satuday morning, recovering nicely from a hangover, my phone goes. It's Kerry, wanting to know what I'm doing. If I'm honest, not a lot. So we meet up at about half 1 to go for a few drinks. A few pubs later, we go back to mine for a few more. Nothing happens. Then we head down to meet her friend in the pub, and she demands a kiss in the taxi down. Fair enough.

Her mate Becky is quite nice, but apparently only into one night stands and two-girl, one-guy threesomes. I, obviously, took the opportunity to remind her of my birthday in a few months.

Then at 10pm, after 9 hours in the pub, I had to go to work. For a 9 hour night shift. That was interesting. I actually managed fine, but I got to work tonight to discover emails from the day shift wanting to know why half the night jobs hadn't been done. Oops.

Caz

2007-09-17T00:48:00.000+01:00

I went on a date with Caz on Friday. We saw Shoot Em Up at the cinema - damn good film, destined to be a classic. Then we went to meet Si to congratulate him on Jayden.

Caz I'm not sure about. She seems nice enough, but she doesn't rock my world. She also seems a bit *too* keen. Watch this space.

It's here

2007-09-17T00:44:00.000+01:00

Check out my new toy:

It came on Thursday, and hasn't really been christened yet. I've spoken to a few mates who are all up for a home game one night. Si was going to come and visit, but Kel went into labour so he had to cancel. She now has Jayden, a little boy, born at about 2am Friday morning.

And to top it all off, I came first on Thursday's poker night, taking away £400. Not bad for an evening's entertainment.

Tien

2007-09-17T00:41:00.000+01:00

So...Tuesday night, I played poker. 12th out of 77, not too bad. Missed the money though, first paid place was 8th. No matter.

I got home about 5am, and went to bed. About 12 I was woken by Tien calling through the letterbox. She'd taken delivery of a parcel from the postman for me, and it wouldn't fit through the letterbox. I let her in, she does her usual cleaning frenzy thing for about an hour, then leaves. She texts me after to say "I know you don't like me any more, so I won't visit again. Goodbye.

Shame. I'd really like to be able to say to her that, as a friend, I do like her, but that's it. The problem is, I know that if I encourage her in any way, she'll take that as us having a chance. So best that she believes I don't like her.

Hiding

2007-09-11T16:24:00.000+01:00

I'm always signed in to MSN while I'm at work. Today, I was busy, so haven't really been checking it. At 3:30 I got back to my desk to find:

Tien: I'll be in Hanley at 5:30

It's now 4:00 and she's offline. I text her to say she can't come, I've got plans, and it's totally out of order for her to visit without letting me know. She texts back to say "Sorry, I'll stay in a hotel then. See yjavascript:void(0)
Publish Postou soon." I tell her she should stay in london, and get back "I'm nearly in Hanley, can't go back. That's OK - I'll stay here for a week and then go back."

OK, this is getting a little out of hand. I need to drop this thing, sharpish. For now though, today is my last day at work, and I have a few days off, so I sent Becx a text to see if she fancies a pint. She'll help me escape my stalker in the pub!

Becx

2007-09-08T20:28:00.000+01:00

Becx is a girl I first met years back, when me and Rob were both single. She was in Jaks (nightclub) every single night. As were we, pretty much, what with neither of us being in a position where we had to care about turning up to work hungover or drunk at the time.

Becx is not really my type. We ended up in bed together all that time ago, but nothing happened, and we both kind of acknowledged at that point that it wasn't going to.

Anyway, tonight, I went for a haircut after work (see, this is my typical approach to decisions. My actual thought process was this: Tomorrow is Sunday. That means the buses are gonna be crap. That, in turn, means I have to walk, taxi, or bike to work tomorrow if I sleep at home. On the other hand, Simon goes out every Saturday night, lives 5 minutes from work, and can usually be relied upon to have spare sofa space. Therefore, there is a viable argument for sleeping at Si's and going to work from there. But it's a work night so I shouldn't drink. OK, the deciding factor: If I can make it to the barbers in time for a cut tonight, I get to go out. If not, I stay in). Heading to the bus stop from the barbers, I bump into Becx again. We recognise each other, and there's an awkward "hi, how are you" thing for a few minutes, then suddenly, we're comfortable talking again. It's like we only saw each other yesterday. So I ask her if she fancies a drink while we catch up. She agrees, we head to the pub.

We spend maybe an hour catching up, and it turns out she's pretty heavily into local bands and live music just lately, which is a scene I want to familiarise myself with again, having been out of it for so long on account of Tracy not sharing my enjoyment of loud bangy music.

So, we've swapped numbers and MSN addy's, and agreed to become 'after work drinking buddies'. It is *not* going to go any further (she's still not my type), but she's a great girl, and we really get on well, so it'd be a shame to just be passing acquaintances.

Life, eh? Take the good with the bad, or give up.

OK, this is getting a bit wrong now

2007-09-08T10:40:00.000+01:00

So, Tien has just told me she wants to come see me. Bear in mind here that she lives in London, me in Stoke. She says she'll meet me from work, just for 5 minutes, then go back.

That in itself is wrong on a whole range of levels. Taking a 5 hour journey to spend 5 minutes with someone, just to take another 5 hour journey back is not natural.

The scary part? When I put my foot down and said I don't want her to visit today, this is the reply I got:

"ok:( it is up to you. But i just want to let you know that i don't expect anything, i don't want you have to spend time because of my stubborn. Anyway, i know what to do, if i miss you, i can see you without you awareness. Don't worry, i won't go. You work well:) ok. I have something to do now. Have a nice day at work:) Bye x"

fuck that.

Update: This is what I came home to today:
Tien says:
you have magic or maybe you are so attractive to girls:P My dad talked me never fall in love with handsome man, because he will leave soon cause he will have many girls. but i am not a good student in this:(
Tien says:
but i think i am better now when i face to the truth, you consider me as a friend so i love to have a friend like you too. my love was in the past and i keep it with me. i am not like in the past, so you don't need to worry for me :)
TimB says:
ok
Tien says:
but as long as you don't have a girl friend, i will fight for my love
Tien says:
i won't leave you unless you leave me.
Tien says:
ok my love?:)
Tien says:
in this poker game, i may win or lose, but i won't give up until the last game.
Tien says:
:P, so if you want to get rid of me, you should find a girlfriend soon:P

Oh fuck me with a bargepole. This right here is the downside to casual dating. Just say no, kids.

I'm hiding the fucking knives.

A tale of two shitties.

2007-09-08T09:12:00.000+01:00

This one isn't me, but it relates to people already discussed elsewhere in this blog, and even though it was disclosed to me by someone who has since proven to be full of shit, I have no reason to disbelieve it, so I shall share it here.

The stars of our story hadn't been seeing each other long, and when they did, they pretty much spent all day in the pub. Literally. As in, at 11am they were stood at the door, tapping their watches while giving the staff disapproving looks. Needless to say, this often resulted in them being somewhat inebriated by the end of the evening.

One such evening, the two of them were staying at her place. Now she only had a single bed, so they were...cosy. He was against the wall, her at the edge. They both went to sleep, in their happy drunken state. Part way through the night, the peaceful slumber was interrupted by a loud sound.

PARRRRRRRP!

So loud in fact, that it woke him up. As he awoke, he looked over at her, trying to figure out what the strange noise was. She opened her eyes, briefly, groggily at first, then suddenly wide open, as if in shock. She mumbled, rolled over, and landed on the floor. A few minutes later, he heard a snoring sound again.

Thinking he should at least cover her up, he reached up and pulled the light cord, then peeled the covers back to get out of bed. It was at this point that he was confronted by a large brown mass, with a consistency somewhat reminiscent of a melted Snickers. Sitting defiantly on the bed, it stared him down, blocking his escape.

Gingerly, he manouvered around the mass, somehow avoiding it's advances.

Looking around the door, he saw her, on the floor, fast asleep, soiled, and stark naked. He hurriedly dressed, turned out the light, and legged it.

It was about this point that he called me to relay the above story. I listened to his tale, shocked and fascinated at the same time. It was the ending that caught my attention.

"You turned the light off?"
"Err, yes, but I'm not sure my concern for the environment is really the overriding point in this story"
"No, but...you turned the light off"
"Yes, we've established that"
"So...she'll wake up, discover that she's on the floor starkers, decide that she should really go back to bed, climb back up in the dark, and...."
"...oops"

It was never mentioned again.

Caz

2007-09-08T08:30:00.000+01:00

Caz is 29, and she's a mate of Si's. He seems to have this thing about trying to set me up. Probably something to do with his neice, Tammy, living with him now, and him having no faith in my ability to not flirt with her. I suppose I can see his point - I wouldn't trust me with her either! Anyway. Caz and I met last time we all went for a night out, and everyone else mysteriously vanished, leaving the two of us alone. We had a few drinks and a bit of a kiss, and agreed to meet up when we were both sober.

We met up last week, where I learned something about Caz. She's not great at conversation without a few drinks in her. Shy girls I can handle, but she didn't actually seem shy, just...I dunno. Every time I said something, she responded with "Is it?" or something else that was basically just an acknowledgment. Every time I asked her something about her, I was getting single word answers, nothing to invite me to probe a little deeper and continue the conversation.

Normally, I'd take this as a sign of disinterest, but according to Si she's definitely interested, and given that she keeps calling to arrange another date, I believe him. The problem is, dates are bloody hard work when you've got to keep trying to think of things to talk about, when you're not getting any feedback. And we're definitely not in that 'something really special, when you can just shut the fuck up and enjoy the silence together' zone, as endorsed by Mia Wallace.

If we do go out again, I'm thinking a cinema date.

Kerry and Sam

2007-09-07T16:46:00.000+01:00

So what was the point of that last article? Well, last Wednesday, I bumped into Kerry. She was out with Sam (not my ex Sam) and Kerry2, who she introduced me to. Anyway, we spent most of the night catching up, and between us, we discovered the following:

Sam (my ex) had indeed slept with Rob – he admitted this to Kerry. Which explains why Kerry broke Sam’s nose a few months after we split.
Tracy and Rob were sleeping together before she split up with me. In fact, on the day we broke up, she was in bed with Rob when I called him to say that things weren’t going well, and I needed him to stay away that night so I could sort things out. Which explains why he turned up.
Rob has been bragging about ‘stealing my girlfriend’ since we split up.
Rob had used the excuse that I can’t pull without him as his reason for always going out with me when him and Kerry were together. He had also cheated on her a hell of a lot, although only a few times when he was with me. He blamed me for most of these, saying that I was with the girls friend, and he was just being my wingman. Hence her blaming me for their split.

There were a fair few other revelations, for both of us, but those are the highlights. In a nutshell, we established fairly conclusively that Rob is a manipulative, sneaky bastard. Yeah, I know, hold the front page.

Anyway. Sam was supposed to be staying with Kerry2 that night, but she was very, very drunk, and looking to pick a fight with a bouncer. We’d already decided that Kerry was going to be staying at mine that night (my drunken mind saw a delicious irony in sleeping with Rob’s ex), and Kerry asked me if Sam could stay too. Sure, says I.

We hop in a taxi, go back to mine. The taxi driver knows Sam, and after a few minutes, he calls her and asks her if she wants to go with him for a while. So Sam wanders off with her taxi driver, leaving her purse at mine. Me and Kerry keep chatting, and she discovers my bottle of absinthe. We shoot the shit and play poker for a while, and Kerry announces that she’d like a bath. Fine by me, so she goes up for her bath. When she comes back, she’s wearing one of my shirts. And here’s the second irony of the night. The shirt she’s wearing is a shirt I’ve only worn once. I bought it in Italy two years ago, and wore it the night I proposed to Tracy. That’s the only time it’s ever been worn.

About 4am me and Kerry go to bed. We have a bit of a drunken fumble, and shortly afterwards, Kerry announces that she needs to go home. She gets up, gets dressed and leaves. Two minutes later, the doorbell goes. It’s Sam, being dropped off by her taxi driver. So now, me and Sam go to bed. Nothing happens, in fact I’m a perfect gentlemen, although somehow we wake up cuddling the next morning.

Since then, I’ve had a few texts off Kerry, and lots of texts off Sam. Sam might actually be worth pursuing, and is definitely worth getting to know better, so I’m going to see what happens. Kerry….well, she’ll probably be a drinking buddy. Nothing more. Some of us still have the integrity not to have sex with a mate's (or ex mate's) ex-girlfriend.

I can now cross off ‘sleep with two women in the same night, in the same bed’ from my list of things to do before I die. That just leaves me with ‘have sex with two women in the same night’ and ‘have sex with two women at the same time’ still to do. Oh well, it’s a start, eh?

The Pact

2007-09-07T16:19:00.001+01:00

If you’ve been reading from the beginning, you’ll know that me and Rob had a pact – no woman would ever come between us. First, let me explain how that pact came about. About 7 years ago, I was seeing Sam. We were living together, but things weren’t going well – she wanted kids, I didn’t and wasn’t about to be moved on the subject, so things were heading downhill fast. We finally broke up when I learned that she’d come off the pill without telling me, but before that, she did all sorts of attention seeking things. One of those was to say she’d slept with Rob. Cue big argument with Rob, culminating in him saying “I’m seeing Kerry, and if I was going to a) cheat on her, and b) shag a mates’s girlfriend, I’d do a lot better than Sam.” Which, if I was honest, was a fair point. Rob suggested that she was attention seeking and I shouldn’t let it have an effect. Which I did.

Fast forward a few years. Rob had been trying to get rid of Kerry for a few months. He kept backing out at the last minute, so one night, he asks me to come along with him for moral support. Just to give him a bit of added incentive, he also meets a girl in the pub that night, and proceeds to have sex with her in the toilets. Anyway, we get back to Rob’s place, and Kerry is there. I go to Rob’s room – I really don’t want to be involved in this one – and leave them to it. 10 minutes later, Kerry bursts into the room, saying it’s all my fault. At this point, she produces a rather large knife, and proceeds to hold it to my throat, saying it’s my fault he doesn’t want to be with her any more, and that she’s going to, and I quote, “fucking murder me”.

Anyway, we proceed downstairs so that she can show Rob her latest capture, probably in much the same way that a cat will bring a live bird to it’s owner to try and teach them how to hunt. Rob tries talking, but here’s the problem – Rob’s a cocky fucker, and he’s not very good at the whole sensitive thing. Plus we’ve both been drinking, so to be honest, neither am I. Rob calls her bluff, picks up the phone (right in front of her, while she’s still yelling at him), and dials 999. He calmly tells the police “Hi, my ex is holding my friend at knifepoint, can you come and help please?” Meanwhile, I’m doing my best to maintain a calm composure and an intact windpipe.

While we’re waiting for the police, Rob continues to taunt Kerry. Eventually, he aggravates her enough that she lunges at him, and he takes the chance to sweep her legs from under her. She hits the floor, I grab the knife (by the blade), and try to wrestle it from her while keeping my knee in her back to stop her getting up. Since she has a considerably better grip on the knife than I do, I end up literally having to put the blade of the knife at the back of her neck, and use her own neck as leverage. This worked, and I managed to get the knife with little more than a few small cuts (thank god for cheap knife sets).

A few minutes later, the police come bursting in, donning stab vests and full riot gear. Impressive. The first one looks at me as if I’m the assailant (to be fair, I’ve got Kerry pinned to the floor, both her arms held up her back, and sitting on her legs so she can’t move. I look him dead in the eye, and say “I’m fucking glad you’re here, I need a drink!” Then I stand up, releasing Kerry (having made sure the knife is well out of harms way), and head to the kitchen for a glass of water. Kerry is arrested, and we spend the next 4 hours giving statements at the police station.

Anyway, after all this, me and Rob made a pact that we would *never* let a woman come between us. So yeah, that worked.

Tien

2007-09-07T15:49:00.000+01:00

Tien is a Vietnamese girl, living in London. We met online, chatted for a while, and one day, she randomly turned up on my doorstep without any warning. I'd just finished nights, and was asleep, so she sat on my doorstep for a few hours before going back home. Bear in mind at this point that a train ticket to London is in the region of £100 each way.

A few weeks later we did actually meet. She cooked for me. This is how I discovered that I'm not a fan of Vietnamese cuisine.

Before she came to visit, when we only chatted by email and MSN, she made it clear that she had very traditional values, which include saving herself for her husband. That’s fine, and I have a lot of respect for people who are able to do that. I’m not one of them, and I made it equally clear that we weren’t likely ever to progress beyond friends, because there’s no way I’d marry someone I hadn’t slept with yet, and I wouldn’t want to put her in a position where she feels she has to sacrifice her values for someone. Now, London is quite a trek from Stoke, and public transport isn’t cheap, so it was agreed that when we met, she could stay the night. I took the sofa, she took the bed.

Anyway, she's been to visit quite a lot over the last few weeks. In the beginning, this was OK - she seems a nice girl. However, the first night she stayed, when she left, there was an extra toothbrush in the bathroom. That’s OK, she probably just forgot it. The second time she came to visit, the toothbrush was still there, and had been joined by some random girl toiletries (not *those* toiletries. Yet). The third time, a pair of pyjamas. Also, she gets up every morning at 5am, and cleans the house from top to bottom before I get up.

I think what swung it was the last time she stayed. I got up, and she'd completely cleaned the spare room. She was sitting on the computer, chatting to her mum on MSN. Her mum still lives in Vietnam. She told me she'd told her mum all about me, and her mum thought she should take good care of me. I ask her if she'd like a cup of tea. Immediately, she stands up, and insists on leaving the computer to make the tea.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that by cooking and cleaning, she's trying to look after me, and that her traditional upbringing makes her feel that this is what she should be doing. However, I can't stand being looked after, and I can't stand not doing my fair share. I've told her this, she still insists on trying to do everything. So, she's had to go. I've told her, we're friends, that's all. We're not going to be more, and I don't want her to look after me. At all.

Now she's talking about taking a job in Stoke, and moving up here so she can take care of me.

I don't care how traditional her upbringing was, I'm getting crazy vibes.

Moving?

2007-07-28T03:02:00.000+01:00

Work are doing a lot of moving stuff at the moment. Last week, my boss took me to one side, and we had a conversation much like this:

Boss: You're single, aren't you Tim?
Me: (looks shiftily at boss, who currently sports Armani glasses, sharp suit, and Toni&Guy haircut) errr....yes?
Boss: And you rent your house?
Me: Yeeees.....
Boss: How d'you fancy moving to Gibraltar?
Me: .........
Boss: We're going to need someone out there when we move all this gear, so we want someone permanently based there. Have a think about it and let me know.

So...I could be living in a British territory, just off the Costa del Sol. The downside is, I'd be leaving everything I own behind, and basically starting fresh. It's a big gamble. The upside is, I'd be living in a much better climate, and if I could somehow get word back to my ex before I left, her reaction would be pure gold.

Good idea or not? Answers on a postcard please.

Amanda

2007-07-28T02:45:00.000+01:00

It's been a while, what with moving and everything else, but finally, an update!

Amanda. No longer interested. Yes, she's amazing in bed, but after our last meeting, we agreed to go out. I met her from work, and she left a change of clothes there for the next day, saying "I'm not even going to ask if I'm staying at yours tonight - it's pretty much a given, isn't it?" Sounds good so far. We went to Jaks - she had no money, so I paid and bought her drinks. She was being friendly with my mates, but not so much with me - in fact, when I put my arm around her once, she pulled away.

About half an hour in, she starts chatting with this group of lads. She's blatantly interested, but seems confused. We go outside so she can have a smoke (thanks, smoking ban), and the first words out of her mouth are "We need to get you laid tonight", which pretty much says it all.

I just said "Look, you've clearly pulled, so just go with it if that's what you want." About 10 minutes later I went to the toilets, and when I got back, I saw her with her tongue down this guys throat. I just left them to it.

Now don't get me wrong. Amanda made it clear that she was single, and that we were just fuck buddies. Although I think we've got potential to be more, I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is going out with someone, and then purposely ditching that person to go with someone else. Fuck buddy or just a friend, if you're out as just the two of you, common courtesy says you don't just ditch that person.

More importantly though, Amanda made one thing very clear that night: I'm always going to be her second best - the one she comes to when either her current boyfriend has dumped her, or just when she can't find anyone else and feels horny. I'm fine with that concept, apart from two things: I like her, and this has potential to get dangerous and painful; and although I don't mind being a fallback shag for when she's been out with other people and hasn't pulled, I draw the line at coming second to a stranger when it's me she's out with.

I think every relationship should have an 'our song.' Granted, Amanda and me have never had a proper relationship, but this has been going on and off pretty much since I broke up with Tracy, so I think it's deserving of it's own song. And here it is:

Lucky House

2007-07-05T05:39:00.000+01:00

When I first took this house on, the landlady told me the house had been lucky for the last tenant. In fact, I spoke to the last tenant, and he made a point of telling me it was lucky too.

So far, it's not too far off the mark. First, getting my deposit back of Space 4 Living.

Second, I did a check on Sky's website last night, and my exchange has now been enabled for their £26 a month deal, so I've got the full package that I wanted again now. Lovely.

The icing on the cake came last night. Amanda called. She's broke up with her boyfriend. I mentioned that I'd moved, and she asked if she could come and visit.

For some reason, whenever me and Amanda are together, we invariably end up in bed together. Last night, we did ever so well - we lasted until about 45 minutes before she had to leave before we jumped on each other. I'm not sure what it is about us, we just seem to 'fit' in bed together. Of all the girls I've met since Tracy, she's definitely the one with the most potential.

There's just one *tiny* thing. No, not that.

My first proper girlfriend was Sam. She worked in McDonalds. We met, got engaged, she claimed to have fucked Rob, I didn't believe her, we broke up.

My second proper girlfriend was Tracy. She worked in McDonalds. We met, got engaged, she claimed not to have fucked Rob, I believed her, we broke up, she turned out to have been telling the truth.

When I met Amanda back in October, she was a care nurse, with qualifications in hairdressing. Now, she works in Subway.

I appear to be consistently attracted to girls who work in the food service industry. Is fate trying to tell me something?

Still, there's always an upside. At least if I always end up with fast food girls, I know where to go on the pull.

Sorted it

2007-07-05T05:26:00.000+01:00

Saturday morning, I had a cheque through the door. The full amount of my deposit from S4L. No cover letter, no "we think we're in the right but can't be arsed to fight it" note, just a compliments slip with "Re: Deposit" scrawled on.

I had a feeling they'd give up when they figured I wasn't going to take it lying down.

So. That's Phase 1: Recovery, complete. Now for Phase 2: Education. This is the bit where Trading Standards, NAEA, ARLA and NALS get a complaint from me. Oh, and also HMRC, since they charged me VAT on my own money, and I have no doubt they would have argued that they didn't have to repay that either if they thought they could get away with it.

Why am I doing this, when I have, after all, got my money back? Simple. I know my rights. The next person they try this with might not be so savvy.

An interesting development

2007-06-26T15:37:00.000+01:00

Well, since I wrote to Space 4 Living threatening court action, and also wrote to the landlord, I've done a little digging. The landlord is also the director of the company. So my slating his company would have gone down well. However, it shows that he's got no excuse for not knowing what's going on, so I don't need to worry too much about him anymore.

I'm in

2007-06-26T15:34:00.000+01:00

Well, I'm finally moved in. Still no internet, and it's going to be weeks before I'm settled, but so far, I like the place. Very bright, but needs a bit of air freshener and a lick of paint, since the last tenant was a smoker.

After much discussion with Sky and BT, broadband should be on pretty soon. Next door have wi-fi, but they've secured it, so no home internet for me for now.

Front door key

2007-06-23T01:59:00.001+01:00

My landlady seems ace. She's called the letting agent today, so I can pop in and pick up my key to the front door tomorrow morning, which is helpful.

Oh, guess who the agent is? It begins with a Q.

Well, at least I don't have to deal with them this time.

Sky

2007-06-23T01:49:00.000+01:00

Sky are officially hard work. At my current place, I've got my broadband through BT. However, we used to have Sky TV when the ex was about - I cancelled it after we split cos I don't watch enough telly to justify the cost.

Now though, they've got an offer on - all Sky TV channels, free evening and weekend calls, and 8MB broadband for £26/month. Since decent broadband is £15-20 anyway, and I've still got a spare Sky+ box, I thought I'd go for it.

No.

After spending a week arguing with BT, who increased my line speed in December, and tried to argue that it meant I was tied into another 12 month contract, I finally got them to relent and allow me to cancel my broadband. Today, I got a text of BT, telling me my new phone was on and working. Great!

So I give Sky a call, and ask to be set up on their £26/month package. "Oh", she says, "your exchange isn't set up for full broadband yet - we can still offer you an 8MB package, but not the one on our website". "OK", says I, "Presumably that's cheaper?" "Oh no", she replies - "it's £37/month"

Do what now?

Anyway, I give them half an hour and call back (it's an amazingly effective strategy when you find someone unhelpful - call back and see if the next operator is any better). It worked. The next agent gave me, after a little haggling:

- half price Sky+ box (£49 instead of £99)
- free installation (usually £60)
- 2 mixes (which covers most of the channels I want)
- phone and broadband

and he managed this for £20/month for the first 3 months, then £28/month for the rest of the 12 month contract. Plus, as soon as the exchange is able to handle whatever Sky's bastardisation of broadband is, i'll be moved to that, which will drop the price to £21/month. Bargain.

Lets just hope it works out that way, eh?

Keys

2007-06-22T13:09:00.001+01:00

I've got the keys to the new place! Well, I've got the back door key, and one of the front door keys. So now I need to chase the estate agents to try and get the right key so I can move stuff in. Oh the joy.

Got the phone on now, which means I can talk to Sky and get them to sort my Broadband and stuff. Just gotta do a bit of research to try and talk myself a discount - I'm not paying £100 + installation, thanks. Virgin do a package that works out cheaper, so I'm sure I can talk Sky into matching that at least. Fingers crossed....

The law is an ass....but sometimes, even asses are useful

2007-06-20T21:43:00.000+01:00

Over the last few years, the UK government has drafted hundreds of new laws. Most of them are a complete waste of time, covering offences which are already quite adequately covered under existing laws. But, every now and again, they come up with a good one.

Like this one

Read the first paragraph. And again. Once more. See that? "If you are not protecting a tenant’s deposit you will be ordered to repay three times the amount to the tenant"

I've done a bit of checking, and that 3x deposit is IN ADDITION to refunding the original deposit. So now, S4L have until Friday to advise me of what protection scheme my deposit is in, along with all the other info. Since they are unlikely to have protected it yet, and probably can't protect it without a tenancy agreement, they're going to have a few problems there.

Because I'm a nice guy, I've sent them an email, warning them of the impending deadline, and even telling them that, in the circumstances, I won't consider that deadline to have been breached until next Wednesday - 3 extra days. Of course, this now means that if I take them to court, I'll be looking for:

Deposit: £350
Application Fee: £90
3x Deposit Penalty for not protecting deposit: £1050

All this because they insist that they can hold onto £350.

I'll see your £350 and raise you £1490. Call, or fold? (it's poker night tomorrow)

Space 4 Living

2007-06-20T14:00:00.000+01:00

It hardly seems fair to name Quigleys earlier on for their mere incompetence, if I then let Space 4 Living get away with deliberate cuntishness. So that's them.

I spoke to their 'manager' today, who told me that the deposit I paid wasn't a normal security deposit, but was in fact a retention deposit, and was subject to forfeit if I pulled out. I responded thusly:

Me: Bollocks. No one ever mentioned that, so as far as I'm concerned, it's a security deposit
Them: No, really. You're not getting it back.
Me: OK, what's your address to serve court papers?
Them: (Somewhere in manchester)
Me: OK. Also, do you have a bit of paper, with my signature on it, in which I acknowledge that this deposit, or the application fee for that matter, is non refundable?
Them: Well....umm....ah....
Me: Exactly. See you in court.

I've since checked companies house, and the address she gave me is different to the registered office. So I'll write to both. Then in two weeks, I'll issue proceedings.

Fair play to them for calling my bluff, but I'm not bluffing.

More letting agent cuntishness

2007-06-19T20:33:00.001+01:00

Two weeks ago, I applied for a house. Bargain it was. £300 a month, 3 bedrooms, newly refurbished. To apply, the agent wanted £90 application fee, and £350 as a deposit. This was paid on the day, 2 weeks ago.

Since then the agent has dragged his feet - he waited 3 days before even starting 'to make sure the money cleared' despite the fact that, as we're with the same bank, the transfer was instant (my bank assures me of this). Then he waited around getting references off my boss and landlord. Then on Thursday, he insisted that he'd need to check with the landlord before he could confirm I'd got the place. By the time I viewed the place I'm moving into on Sunday, he still hadn't got back to me. Get that? He had a 2 week head start, and I still arranged a tenancy agreement with the current landlord before he could get back to me.

Anyway, I called him today to arrange refund of the deposit (in the UK, you forfeit the application fee regardless, but the deposit is there to protect against damage to the property. I hadn't been in yet, ergo, no damage). The conversation went thusly:

Agent: You said you wanted to move in. You said you could pay 6 months up front if needs be cos you wanted the place so bad.
Me: I also said I've got to be out of my current place by the end of the month. Every day you arse me around is another 3-4 houses off the market, and less chance of me finding somewhere. On Thursday, you said you'd make a quick call to the landlord and call me back. It's now Tuesday and I've still heard nothing.
Agent: But I spoke to the landlord on Friday and he's happy to go ahead
Me: And now you know why you need to communicate these things to the customer in some kind of timely fashion. You had Friday, Saturday and Sunday to let me know. On Sunday afternoon I accepted another property.
Agent: Ah, well we don't work weekends.
Me: Your problem. Now you can explain to the landlord why I've pulled out.
Agent: Well I'm sorry, but we don't refund your deposit if you pull out.
Me: Yes, you do. I can assure you you do. The only question is whether or not you also refund my court fees.
Agent: Let me look into this and call you back
Me: You do that

Needless to say, he hasn't called back. If I have to call him again tomorrow, I'll be confirming his address to serve the court papers to.

I'm very nice and polite, and take the loss of my £90 (which I still believe I could successfully challenge if I wanted to) in my stride, but DO NOT try and fuck with me on the assumption that I don't know my rights. You WILL lose. Many companies have tried this before, and failed.

She's Gone!

2007-06-19T20:28:00.000+01:00

Today is a historic day. Today is the day I paid off the last of our joint account overdraft. The bank have been instructed to close the account with immediate effect.

Why has it taken so long? Well, for starters, we had £1000 of overdraft between us. Secondly, she's been refusing to pay any of it. While I argued the point with her, I've been paying only a token amount (£50/month) to bring it down. Last week, I got a text off the bank, telling me a deposit of £500 had been made to the account. That's not quite the full amount, given the interest that's been building while she's been stalling, but it's close enough. So today I cleared the rest of it (about £250)

That means that, as well as being £200 a month in rent better off, I'm also £50/month better off because I'm not paying the overdraft off. Yay, I'm feeling good again!

Got a place!

2007-06-17T17:53:00.001+01:00

Saw a place this morning. Well, I say saw...what I really mean is, I went to a place this morning. The landlady (is it still a landlady for property, or is that just pubs? Answers on a postcard!) called me a few minutes before I got there, to tell me that it seems the last tenant changed the locks, and because it's Sunday, she can't get to the letting agent to get the proper keys which the last guy handed back.

No matter, I was there anyway, so I had a look through the windows. The place looks nice - a full length lounge with window at each end, which is what I wanted, but also the stairs ran along a wall, instead of straight down the middle of the lounge like they usually do in terraced houses round here. More importantly, the landlady seems absolutely spot on - really friendly, really keen to help out where she can.

Long story short, I decided to fly blind and went for it. The tenancy agreement is signed, deposit paid, and I get the keys on Thursday. All I need to do now is pack everything I own, clean my current place right through, and find a company that can move me on Friday or Saturday of this week. Oh, and get back a deposit I've already paid to another agent.

That'll be fun. I predict woe.

Letting Agents

2007-06-16T22:56:00.000+01:00

Cunts. The bloody lot of them.

First, they charge you about £100 for nothing more than the privilege of filling in a form. Then, they fuck about so much that by the time they come back and say no, all the other places you were looking at as backups are already gone.

Example the first:
Went to view a place. This place looks absolutely perfect - big enough kitchen to hold my big ass fridge freezer, large lounge, 3 decent sized bedrooms. Spot on. About 5 minutes in, another couple turn up to view the place. I discreetly ask the agent what documentation I'll need to apply. "Oh, just pop down with a passport, a recent utility bill, and a bank statement" says he.

So I leave the place while they're still there. As I'm leaving, I hear them asking how to apply. So I leg it home, grab the paperwork, and pop down to the agents. This couple have already been in and picked up a form, but no problem, they've had to go away to get paperwork. I have paperwork already.

No.

"You need 3 months bank statements, 3 months utility bills, and a passport" says the fat bird behind the desk. "But the agent who showed the place said I only needed one of each", I counter. "Can I fill in the forms now and pop down in a bit with the rest of them?" "No, sorry" she says, "Since there's two of you competing for the place, it wouldn't be fair of me to let you take it without the proper documents. Take this form, fill it in, pop back with the paperwork."

Pissed off, but still in the game, I head to the pub to fill in the form. Last page, I'm asked to sign acknowledging my responsibilities as a guarantor. What the fuck now? So I head back to the agents. Fat bird has gone, and left fit but dippy trainee bird in her place. "Oh, she must have given you the wrong form" she says. "Well since it's your fault, and I'm in a hurry, will this one do?" "No, sorry, I'll get you the right one though" Cue 10 minutes waiting around while she looks for the form, establishes that they don't have any, and prints a new one on the slowest inkjet in the world.

Right form in hand, I leg it home, get my paperwork. Fill in the form, back to the office. The other couple are just leaving. Fucksocks. But all is not lost: as they leave, they say "We'll be back in 20 minutes or so with the rest of the paperwork". Ahah! I've already been told you can't apply without all the paperwork. I point out to trainee girl that I've got all my paperwork, and my money. "Sorry, I've already taken their money now, I've got to process their application." It's at about this point that I notice the heading on the application form they just handed in. "Guarantor Application"

So hang on - your guy gave me the wrong information about what I needed. Then you tell me you can't accept part of the paperwork. THEN you give me the wrong form, and tell me you can't accept that either. And finally, you accept the wrong form, with only part paperwork, from the other people, when I could have done that A WHOLE FUCKING HOUR EARLIER?!?

I'm not bitter. It was a shit house anyway. Quigleys, you're a bunch of cunts.

Moving...

2007-06-04T21:48:00.000+01:00

Well...I've finally realised that, with all the will in the world, there is absolutely no point in me staying where I am. Sure, I love the house, and it makes an awesome bachelor pad, but it's nearly £600 out of my pocket every single month. That's starting to sting a little. If I'm honest, there's no way that a single bloke who doesn't drive can justify a detached, three bedroomed house with a big ass garden and a garage - it's overkill in the extreme.

So I'm moving. I applied for a place on 31st May. Rent day is 1st June. My tenancy agreement requires a full rent periods notice to move. So, if my notice arrived after my rent was paid, I'm stuck here til the end of July. That being the case, and money being tight, I took a gamble and handed in my notice to quit.

Then didn't get the other place.

Turns out, I've got two CCJs that I didn't know about. The reason I didn't know about them, is because the companies who brought them made no effort to get hold of me and let me know, despite having a forwarding address, and just issued all claims against my old address. Which I never got. Declaring yourself as having no CCJs, then them finding some, is an automatic fail - worse than not declaring any at all.

Shit.

So now I've got 4 weeks to find somewhere. I'm viewing a place on Wednesday, and another on Friday, both more than £250 a month less than I'm paying now. One of them is a company I've let from before, but I stitched them for the last months rent - I needed the money for moving, and I knew damn well the house was in better condition than when we moved in, so I was entitled to it back. That may not work in my favour, but at least they know I'm usually reliable, so if I offer a higher deposit, maybe they'll cut me some slack.

Just in case they don't, I've put a deposit on a storage room too, so at least everything I own will have a home, even if I don't! If I do get somewhere, I'm out the £20 it cost me to reserve the storage space, so no big deal.

Either way, I'm stressed! Work have been good enough to sort me some overtime, which will add an extra few hundred quid at least come the end of the month, and i'm holding on to this months rent in case I need it too. I've told the landlord he can put the place straight back on the market, and I'm happy for him to do viewings as long as I'm both forewarned and present at the time.

Love life is pretty pants. Girlsdateforfree are fucking me over - they have a subscribe by SMS thing, which I tried last week on a spare phone. Nothing came through, I wasn't subscribed, but they didn't seem to charge my phone either. No biggie - I sent a stop message, and emailed them to say not to bother. Then I updated my profile back to my main number.

Two days later, I get a subscribe text, charged at £5. I sent a STOP message and a bitchy email to them demanding a refund. No response to the STOP, and a few days later I received a second £5 charge. Today, I received a third. Tomorrow, I phone and scream at someone until they stop charging me. Then I send them a bill.

Being Broke

2007-05-22T20:06:00.000+01:00

Right, this month, I'm on a major budget. As such, the date with Coleen yesterday never happened. Well, partly because of my budget anyway. She sent me a text on friday, asking me not to text cos her bloke was coming over. Fair enough, thinks I. By Sunday night, I'm getting bored, so I text her asking how she's doing. No response. So maybe she's decided to be faithful to her cheating boyfriend, and maybe she hasn't. Either way, I didn't press the issue, and didn't push for our date. I've got better things to do with my time than date girls who're going to take too much effort.

Vanessa is still on for tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it. She's 22, fit looking, but she does have a kid. That's a bit of a concern for me, but hey, we'll see how it goes. She certainly seems the most mature of my conquests to date, which according to my mates is exactly what I need.

New housemates

2007-05-18T05:27:00.001+01:00

Oh yeah, I now share my bed with someone who always wants to be close to me (maybe a little on the clingy side), and has a habit of leaving me with about 4 inches on the edge of the bed, despite the fact that she's tiny.

Meet Trouble and Squeak (Trouble is the tabby)

The present

2007-05-18T05:06:00.000+01:00

This brings us nicely back up to speed. So who have we got at the moment?

Well, there's Colleen - a very random result. I tried to text a mate, and got his number wrong. Colleen is the person I found instead. Haven't met her yet, but she also lives in Stoke, and her boyfriend is fucking other women behind her back, so she's looking to get out. We're going for a drink on Monday.

Then there's Vanessa. I met Vanessa through an online dating thing. She's got a son, but she seems quite sweet. We haven't met yet - we arranged a date, but she had babysitter problems and couldn't make it. She did give a good 3 days notice though, and came back with a counteroffer, which I couldn't make. We're planning to meet for lunch pretty soon.

Right now, there isn't anyone else. I've joined a gym, got a promotion at work, and started putting some work into getting my business up and running again, so life's pretty full anyway. I'm getting into poker in a big way - I've only made the money once in live games so far, but I'm doing OK online, which is a nice cheap way of wasting an evening.

Becky

2007-05-18T05:05:00.000+01:00

Now, Becky. We became drinking buddies for a bit. Then last friday we went out, just us pair, and she bumped into a guy she fancies, out with his mates. We all hang out for a bit, and I end up getting dragged along to Pink, a gay bar which is actually quite good after about 1am, but is absolutely pants at 10pm, which is when I was unanimously outvoted. The guy Bex fancies shows no interest in her whatsoever, and is busy talking to his mates. Bex pulls a random bloke, who happens to work at the same place Tracy does. He eyeballs me, and after a while, his mate tries to kick off. I calm things down, but the bouncers ask me to leave, because "These guys are regulars." I was a regular too until now. Now, I refuse to go.

So I leave. Becky lives miles away and has no money to get home - she was supposed to be staying at mine that night. I loiter around outside for a bit while I text her to find out what she's doing. Meantime, one of 'regular' guys mates gets chucked out for being too pissed and causing trouble - strangely, the pissed up one who started trouble with me. Needless to say, he sees me as the cause of his downfall, and tries to have a go.

Becky isn't texting back, and by this time the bouncers are getting a little annoyed at this guy kicking off on me outside their club, and are asking us both to move on. I explain my predicament, and explain that 1) this is the regular who was kicking off on me before they asked me to leave, so maybe it wasn't so intelligent throwing him out after the one who was clearly not interested in fighting, and 2) his kicking off wasn't annoying me in the slightest, and I wasn't going anywhere until I was sure of Bex's plans for getting home. They went in to check on her.

Meantime, a few more of regular boys mates came out, and things start getting a bit verbal. I stand my ground, point out that I already know where at least one of them works, and that the CCTV will just see me defending myself against 4 assailants. They keep giving it verbal, but it doesn't escalate beyond that.

The bouncer comes back, and tells me that Bex isn't leaving, and she'll make her own way home. She's only 18, has no money, and lives too far away to walk, but fine - if that's how she wants to do it after dragging me round after some lad who isn't interested in her, that's her business, so I leave her to it. Regular boys have picked a fight with some other random people by now, and police are on scene dealing with them, so I get to leave without a fuss.

Wow...how long since I updated?

2007-05-18T04:42:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know, I've been neglecting this blog. I do that, get used to it.

Anyway, a round up of events since my last post.

Charlotte: Came to visit, didn't stay the night. Never heard from her again
Jemma: Didn't work out, still mates
Jenny: Didn't work out, still mates
Becky: Never came to anything, but read on.
Erica: Didn't work out, lost contact
Kel: Still a mate, now pregnant by Si
Amanda: Still mates, occasionally still fuck-buddies, but only when we're both only just single. Both acknowledge that we may have a chance if we're ever both properly single at the same time.

Right, who else is there? There's Jo. Jo was 18, and a virgin. She's one of Kel's mates, which is how I met her. The first night we met, we kinda hit it off. Bit of a kiss, and I ended up asking her out and got her number. Later in the night, she asked to borrow my phone, and I watched as she went through, and deleted her number.

Now the thing with us men is, we can be petty bastards when we want to be. Not being interested enough to want a date is fine, but tell us. Lie to us, and all bets are off. So at this point, I don't like Jo any more, but I still want to sleep with her. So I stay ultra nice until we sleep together a few months later, at which point, I lose interest. She gets clingy for a bit, but "dumps me" a few weeks later. Yes, I am a bastard, and no, I'm not proud of myself. It did, however, have it's uses. I am now certain that Tracy was lying when she told me she was a virgin three years ago. So our entire relationship has been based on a lie from day one.

Interesting week

2006-10-14T13:59:00.000+01:00

I haven't had a lot of chance to update over the last few days, so here's a run down of what I've been getting up to.

Wednesday, I went to Loughborough, to meet Charlotte, a girl I've been chatting to on MSN for the last few weeks. It was absolutely torrential rain all day, which gave us a great excuse to hide in the pub. Mid afternoon, we caught the early showing of The Devil Wears Prada (don't ask for a review, we weren't there for the film). We ended up having sex in the cinema. And no, we weren't the only people in there. She's coming here to stay the night on Tuesday.

Thursday, I met up with Jemma, a girl I've gone on a few dates with, but it's not going to go anywhere. However, her mates are fit, so I stay in touch. Thursday, I got her friend Jenny's number, and walked her home. On Thursday night, I had Erica over to watch Scarface with a curry.

Friday, I met up with the same girls as Thursday for a bit of shopping. This time, I got her friend Becky's number, a promise of a few copies of CD's (good excuse to meet up for a drink), and walked Jenny home again. This time, we ended up having a kiss and a cuddle behind the theatre on the way back.

Friday night, I went out with Kel and her boyfriend Si. I pulled Amanda, a gorgeous girl who's just out of a four year relationhsip, and who turned out to be an absolute vixen between the sheets. We left the club at 1:30, didn't go to sleep til turned 3, and were awake again at 7 for a rematch. We finally crawled out of bed at about 12ish, after round three which finished just in time for a call from her ex.

Right now, single life is amazing. There is nothing I would change about my life at this point in time. Well, okay, a little less bruising around my nads would be nice, but that's a small price to pay for the night I had last night.

Only problem is, tonight I'm going to Erica's cousins' 18th birthday party, and I am guaranteed to be bringing Erica home (she's coming over at 4 to get changed at mine). Hopefully I'll be able to manage a repeat performance, but damn, this is way too much exercise for me!

Trust and Respect

2006-10-10T19:07:00.000+01:00

Trust and respect are the two fundamental elements of any friendship or relationship. You can get by without trust, as long as the other person knows that and accepts it. Respect is a whole different thing. If you don't respect someone, you can't spend time with that person. It just won't work.

Rob is a case in point. A month ago, my girlfriend could pole dance and grind her booty into his face. They could spend hours together, talking. Hell, they could even sleep together downstairs while I was asleep upstairs. This was all fine because I trusted them both absolutely, and I knew 100% that nothing would ever happen between the two of them.

Then I was proven wrong.

I saw Rob today. We even went for a drink. That's when I realised that you can no longer continue a friendship with someone you no longer trust or respect.

Don't get me wrong, we can still enjoy a drink together, but I can no longer look at him in the same light. We're now mere acquaintances. Acquaintances who've been to hell and back with each other, and come through trials the like of which many friendships have never seen, but acquaintances nonetheless. He can't understand this. He feels that our friendship should be completely unaffected.

I put it to him this way: Does he seriously believe that I'm ever going to let a girlfriend of mine pole dance in front of him again? Does he believe I'm ever going to let him and a girlfriend of mine talk about me, alone, for hours at a time? Does he actually honestly believe I'll ever give him the opportunity to spend a night with a girl I'm seeing again, without any hint of suspicion on my part? Those are all things that happened before we split up and he started shagging my missus. Those are all things that will never happen again.

Sure, we can still be friendly. We can still drink together, even go out together. We can never be the same as we were. That's long gone, and it wasn't me who broke it.

Dating Advice For Men

2006-10-09T06:00:00.000+01:00

Having a read through this, and it kinda made me laugh. Check the paragraph below:

In a relationship's early phases, the two of you will want to spend every waking hour in each other’s company. That’s fine in the beginning, but the reality of the situation is that, within a few months, you’ll be too afraid to ask her to let you play the newest Xbox 360 game with your boys. She’ll expect you to spend all your time with her the way you did in the beginning, and you’ll lose your friends and your personal time.

It then goes on to tell the reader that the best way to deal with this is to take her on dates she won't like, such as paintballing or hunting. Now, maybe their approach to relationships differs to mine, but....doing something that you know she'll hate deliberately to try and make her spend less time with you? Yeah, that'll work. Too well - she'll spend no time with you if you pull that one enough.

Let me propose a simpler solution: Don't spend all your time with her in the first place. I made this mistake with my ex - we spent every waking moment together at first, and because of that, we both lost touch with friends and family. Once you've done that, it's a lot harder to go back. My approach for the next relationship: No matter how much I like her, no matter how much I want to spend every moment with her, I will always allow a minimum of two nights a week for myself and my friends. That way, I never dig myself into the hole of "you never have time for me anymore", because I never spent every waking hour with her anyway.

Easy really.

Nearly a Foursome

2006-10-08T22:26:00.000+01:00

Last sunday, I went out with a friend, her man, and her best mate. I got on with her mate, and we ended up having a bit of a kiss and swapping numbers. Nothing serious. Anyway, we've been texting most of the week. Tonight, she drops a good un. Chatting on MSN, and suddenly the following crops up:

Her: Do you fancy a threesome?
Me: Maybe - who with?
Her: Me and this guy
Me: hmmm...maybe, but I'm not really a fan of the two guy idea
Her: Well how about we get {Girl #2} involved, and make it a foursome? If it turns out well, me and her will sort you a threesome out for your birthday.
Me: Yeah, that sounds like fun.

Over the next hour or so, texts are exchanged between all proposed parties. Then, bummer. Girl #2 isn't up for it, because Girl #1 is a friend, both of them fancy me, and it'll be awkward.

Oh well, it was worth a try. My options now are:

1. Forget it

b. Go for the 2 guy/1 girl threesome

4. Try and get another girl involved for the foursome

What do you lot think? Opinions please!

I wish I'd thought of this

2006-10-08T05:34:00.000+01:00

Be warned, this has swearing and is 9 minutes long. Definitely worth it though.

Actually, I've seen her family, and no, I really wouldn't. Hmmm....her sister on the other hand...I wonder...

Quiet Spot

2006-10-07T16:09:00.000+01:00

There are actually five 'clubbing' nights around here. Wednesday is Student Night in Newcastle, Sunday is the Sunday Service in Hanley, and Monday is Student Night in Hanley, plus you've got Friday and Saturday nights in both Castle and Hanley. I'm not really a fan of Newcastle - it's packed with pubs, granted, but no nightclubs and it tries to be more upmarket than it can get away with - so it's pretty rare that I'll go out on a Wednesday.

That gives me the four Hanley nights of Friday through Monday. Take a guess what shifts I'm working this week? Night shifts. Friday til Monday. Every single going out night this weekend, and I'm stuck at work. Tuesdays are a complete waste of time, plus I'll be too tired to do anything anyway - the last night shift is the one where you stay awake as long as possible, then get drunk to swing your body right back into daylight mode. Which means it's going to be pretty quiet here until Wednesday.

Wednesday should be interesting. I'll update then.

The First Date

2006-10-07T04:50:00.000+01:00

I had my first date on Wednesday night. A career girl, strong and independent. A first for me - all my other girlfriends have been the clingy, needy type. Independence is definitely a good quality right now - the last thing I need is someone to rely on me. Same for her - she's only just come out of a relationship, but she has a lot more strings and red tape to deal with than me - it's things like that that make me feel lucky I got out when I did.

So we went to Roberto's. Roberto's is a fantastic little Italian place hidden down a quiet street - the kind of place you don't even notice unless you know it's there. They also happen to do the best Italian food in the city.

We chatted, we ate, we drank wine. A thoroughly enjoyable evening. After the meal, we went to the pub, where she insisted on paying for the drinks, since I wouldn't let her pay for the meal. A pleasant drink, slightly spoiled by her seeing her ex's mother.

After that, we retired to my place for a few more drinks and a couple of episodes of CSI before bed. I was actually astounded at how well I got on with this girl, and how much we had in common. An absolutely fantastic night, and I'm very much hoping for a second date. One date at a time though, don't want to get too involved now....

Next morning, I knocked up some breakfast (Potato wedges and fish fingers - I think a shopping trip is called for about now), before we sorted her a taxi home.

This brings us right up to date. I'll update as and when now, hopefully every few days.

Warning: This blog may contain traces of rant or irrelevance. Names have probably been changed to protect someone or other. Life rocks - if it ever stops rocking, you need to change your situation.

Bloody hell, that was close

2006-10-07T04:03:00.000+01:00

I had a friend over a few days ago. This is a female friend, who I've actually known for about six months, but we never got beyond friends (we were both seeing someone when we met), and her number mysteriously vanished from my phone shortly after my ex started going through it. Anyway, I got back in touch with her a week or so after I became single, and she came over. We caught up on old times, then caught up on some new times - she's on-and-off with her ex at the moment - when she came over, she was off, and we ended up in bed together. No pretences, everyone knew where they stood - just good friends who happened to be sleeping together.

Anyway, her and her ex/current/whatever have been popping over quite a bit of late. A few days ago, they called round together, and he left to do whatever it is he had to do. I needed to clean up, she volunteered to help. Fine by me. Anyway, we finished cleaning up, then went to the pub for a few.

We kinda got discussing what could have happened between us. We both came to the conclusion that maybe, if we'd both been single when we first met, we could have gotten involved, but because we've been friends for so long, we're better leaving it at that for now, even if we have slept together from time to time.

We got back to mine at about 5:45. She was supposed to be meeting her man at her friends place at 6:30. Somehow, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex on the leather sofa. Which was nice. We finished up, she went to clean herself up, I cleaned myself up.

About two minutes later, she's dressed and back in the lounge. I'm in the lounge, still with my t shirt on the floor. The doorbell rings. Oh shit. The front door isn't locked. Let's hope he doesn't know that. I calmly put on my t shirt, open the door, and it's her boyfriend as expected. I do a disturbingly good job of acting normal. He complains that her phone was off - she tells him (truthfully, as it happens) that her battery died. I ask for his number, mentioning that she couldn't text him from my phone because his number was on hers, and with a dead battery she couldn't get it.

As I'm stood next to him, phones held side-to-side at chest level, a familiar aroma begins to circulate around my nostrils. It's at this point that I realise I didn't have time to wash my hands before he arrived, and I am still blessed with the sweet smell of success. The next few minutes are very tense. Fortunately, he doesn't seem to pick up on it.

Bloody hell though, that was close. Moral of this story - always lock the front door when you're shaggin some guys missus (even an on/off missus) and he could turn up at any moment!

Why Single Life Rocks

2006-10-07T01:15:00.000+01:00

Suddenly being single has had quite a drastic effect in terms of my outlook on life. Suddenly, I care a lot less what people, particularly those of the opposite sex, think about me. As a result, I have totally lost my tendency to exaggerate things, or skip on some minor detail, in the hope of getting a look at their lady-parts. I'm now brutally honest, the idea being that, if it's all going to go tits up (or not as the case may be) I'd rather know about this before I get to know them.

Therefore, when asked by a girl what I think of her, or what I am looking for with her, my response will often be something along the lines of "I think you're a nice person to have as a friend, maybe even a date or two, and if you were to insist on sleeping with me I probably wouldn't turn you down. However, I'm not looking for anything serious, and I'm not going to make you any promises for the future, or even for breakfast."

Surprisingly, this approach is actually far more effective than my previous pulling technique. OK, not necessarily in the strict sense of the word 'pulling', but I seem to have a lot more respect from the women I do talk to, and because I'm not interested in taking things further, I seem to be gathering far more female friends. This is absolutely a good thing. Some of these friends, despite being told they are nothing more than friends at the moment, are still very willing to show me their lady parts. Some of them I have graciously accepted their offers. Others I may yet allow to do so. Others I may not. Time will tell.

The Letter

2006-10-07T00:48:00.000+01:00

If you've read The Aftermath, you'll know I wrote her a letter. Here it is.

You don't have to read this.

This is stuff I need to get out of my system, and which I feel I owe it to you to say.

Just because I need to say it, doesn't mean you need to hear it. You're happy now, and if hearing from me will hurt you, throw this letter away without reading any further.

The three years we shared, were the happiest, most loving years of my life. I truly never believed I was able to be so happy with any one person. You completed me. You are the only person I've ever fallen for so completely, the only one I've ever loved in this way. You are an amazing person.

When Rob and Lynn broke up, I went off the rails a bit. I believe that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. That is completely my fault. When Rob became single, and seemed so happy, I started to have doubts - you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I knew that beyond any doubt, but was I ready to spend the rest of my life with someone yet?

Just as importantly, were you? It kept nagging at me, that I was the first guy you'd ever had a relationship with, and that you wouldn't want to settle for that - at some point, you'd want to see what else was out there. My own insecurities made that come true.

I started to neglect you, choosing instead to spend time with Rob. My excuse was that I was helping him get over his break up. The truth was, he was loving the single life, and I wanted to be a part of that too.

When I asked you to come along with us, we'd end up having an argument, without fail, every single time. Rob would go with you to try and calm you down, and I'd go home alone. You and Rob would then spend the night together, downstairs, while I slept upstairs. I know nothing happened between you while we were together, but these were signs that our relationship was not going well. Because I was neglecting you so much, I missed the signs. Or rather, I chose to ignore them. I am truly, deeply, sorry for that.

I think it was around the beginning of August that it changed for me. Preparing for the holiday, I realised - I love you more than anything else in the world. You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Yes, I am ready to settle down, to have kids, to get married. At that point, I made a vow - the holiday would be the changing point in our relationship - after we got back, I would be more attentive, spend less time with Rob and more with you, and try to get us back to how we used to be.

It seems I wasn't the only one of us looking at the holiday as a changing point. While I was thinking that it was time to buckle down and devote myself completely to you, you were thinking that you'd already had too much of my neglecting you, and you wanted out. The fact that we'd had so many arguments before meant you'd had a chance to fall for Rob while he was comforting you every night.

When you sent me a text asking for Rob's number the day after we broke up because you wanted to ask him on a date, I had so many questions going through my head. I knew Jenny already had his number, so why were you asking me? How long had you been thinking of being with Rob instead of me? How much had already happened when you had been alone together? Looking back, I know some of those questions were wrong of me to even think, but at the time I couldn't help it. Now, I realise that asking me for his number was your way of letting me know you wanted to make a move on him, because you wanted me to find out from you instead of hearing it through the grapevine. I want you to know, I truly appreciate that. It means a lot to me that you were so honest.

The first night I saw you together, killed me. Seeing you together I could just about handle. Watching you kiss was too much, and it tore my heart in two. That's why I sent the texts I did, and I apologise if they hurt you.

Hearing from you on Friday night helped me a lot at the time. Since then though, it's destroyed me. I can't stop thinking about you, missing you, wanting you. It's now Sunday and I've been an emotional wreck all weekend. I've alternated between crying, wandering around aimlessly, staring at my phone hoping you'll text again, and drinking. I haven't eaten since Friday afternoon - I can't swallow food. Still, at least it'll get rid of that fat you keep telling me about!

The real truth is, I never deserved you. You could always have done so much better than me. Still, I lied to you and treated you like sh*t. I fully deserved to lose you, and to lose Rob too. I fully deserve to feel as bad as I do right now.

I have no happiness left for me anymore. I've lost the most important thing in my life. All I can do now is wish you well. You're better off with Rob, I can see that. You suit each other better than we did, and I can tell he makes you happier than I ever could.

I want you to know, I have no hard feelings towards either of you. You were both honest with me throughout, which is more than I deserve. I truly hope you are happy together, and that he never does anything to repeat my mistakes or make you stop wanting to be with him. You are truly a wonderful and special person. There will always be love in my heart for you.

I really hope that one day we can all get along together again. Right now, I can't handle seeing the two of you together, but in time, that will pass.

I hope I never have to be there to support either of you like I still need Rob to support me now, but I will always welcome you if you ever feel a need to talk. I know nothing can ever happen again between us, but I value your friendship.

I Love You.

A few days later, I re-read that letter. I saw the part that says "There will always be love in my heart for you", and I thought "No. There won't. You don't need my love any more, and frankly, you don't deserve it either." Then I tore it up. That was the moment I knew I had at least a chunk of my self respect back.

The Aftermath

2006-10-07T00:16:00.000+01:00

OK, so now my best mate is dating my ex. This is the best mate who we always swore would never let a woman come between us. I think that's why the next few weeks were so screwed up. I was determined to stick to that vow.

So we still hung out. We went to the pub, we played pool, we wandered the shops. All the usual stuff we used to do. Well, not quite. Before, I never heard about his latest girlfriend, what they were doing together, how happy she was without me, or any of that crap that I really didn't need to hear. Now, she was all he talked about. Still, I was actually quite surprised myself at how well I handled it all.

Let's fast forward again. Maybe two weeks after the breakup. Me and Rob arrange to go to Newcastle for a night out (Wednesday night - Student Night). Tracy's working, so that's not a concern.

I get there. She's there with him. Pole dancing, wearing a skirt. She never wore skirts when I was with her. Couldn't find one to fit, she said. No matter. I go to the bar to get a drink. When I come back, they're all over each other. That I can't stand to look at. Don't get me wrong, I kind of expected it from her. Him, I expected to have enough respect for our friendship to keep his distance while I was there. I walk out, and very nearly break my hand punching the wall outside (that was nearly three weeks ago now, and it still hurts and doesn't quite look right). I send them both a text saying I want to wish them well, but I can't be happy for them because I still feel too betrayed by them both. Then I go home in floods of tears.

No contact until two days later. I'm actually feeling a little better by now, and have gone clubbing with some other friends. About 10:50pm I get the following text:

Her: U wnt piss me off and u certainly wnt piss rob off so u cn say n do wht the fuck u wnt cause u wnt split us up an as 4 u feelin betrayed ur the 1 who fucked me bout an neglected me as 4 gemma 2 scared to tell me bout her were u bothered cause im really happy

Aah, Gemma. I should explain about Gemma. Gemma is a girl I got chatting to in a club a few months ago, on one of the nights out with Rob - he'd met someone, and being his wingman, I was keeping her friend occupied. Gemma was the friend. We got talking, and exchanged numbers. Nothing happened, but she kept on texting me. I repeat, nothing happened. However, still very wrong of me, and possibly deserving of a breakup in itself. Anyway, the following text conversation happened:

Me: That's great, I'm really glad you're happy. I can't be happy for u but that's my problem and ill get over it. Just for the record, nothing did happen, or would happen, between me and gemma while I was with u. I have more respect for u than that. I no i neglected u, I'd already realised that and told myself it'd change after the hol. I was helpin my best mate through his breakup, which I had finished and was goin devote myself to u again. That's past now tho. Have a great life together, no hard feelings.

Her: Wnt let me read that obviously too long

Me: Ok short version: I did nothing with gemma while i was with u - i respect u too much for that. I hope ur happy together. Good luck and goodbye.

Me: So u no, I don't want u and rob 2 split. I hope ur happy together. I cant handle it but thats my problem, it shouldn't come between u 2. All I ask is that u dont rub it in my face when i see u together. If that's too much to ask, say now and I'll avoid you both. I have other questions about you 2 but I don't want the answers so it's ok.

Her: If it's was we shagging b4 u and me broke up the answer is no we get on it just appened.

Me: No, it's not that, I still trust u both enough to no that didnt happen. I dont want the answers to my questions, so im not goin ask them. U 2 have a good life together, just pls dont ask me to be part of it.

Me: Really, I hope ur happy together. Ur happiness still means a lot to me. I'd love to be happy for you, but I cant be right now. hope you can understand that

Her: Yeah I understand I just dont want any trouble whats happened has happened hope u find happiness too

Me: Thanks. We had a good time together, at least I did. I won't get into my plans for after the hol cos it don't matter now. Just no I loved u while we were together, and im sorry u couldn't feel the same.

Her: I did love you really but things were just goin wrong and we drifted apart.

Me: I no we did. I was helpin my best mate get over his breakup and I neglected u. I was goin change that after the hol. Don't matter now tho.

Me: I know we drifted apart, before the holiday. I don't know when you stopped wanting me, that's one of the things I don't want to know about our break up.

Her: Just to let you know, it was while we were on hol I just wasn't having a good time felt our relationship had run its course no point in makin each other miserable.

Me: Thanks. We did drift apart, thats what I wanted the hol to change, but when I tried to get close to u, u were too busy with ur phone. I was to blame too tho - I never deserved you, all I can do now is hope you're happy with ur new life, even if that ruins my relationship with my best mate.

Her: I was too busy on my phone because it was already too late, we've been drifting apart for months and the hol didn't help. It won't ruin ur relationship with him if u dont let it.

Me: I know we been driftin, thats cos I was helpin rob with his split, I was gonna devote myself to you after the hol if I had a chance. I dont want lose rob as a mate but I can't handle u 2 together, tryin ignore it now. I'd rather u 2 were happy than me and him be mates tho, so don't do anythin on my account. I didn't deserve u anyway, u were always too good for me.

Her: If I was too good for u i didn't care cos I loved you bt things had been going wrong for ages it just wasn't working out.

Me: I know, like I said, I was goin try change that, but it's too little, too late, I know that. I just wish we could have talked about it before it got this far.

Me: By the way, don't worry, Im not the trouble kind. Our relationship died when u said u dnt want be with me any more - once u said that, i'd be wastin my time if i tried get u bk. thats why i didnt argue when u dumped me, theres no point if u dont want me any more. i wont contact u again unless u contact me first. i really hope ur happy with ur new life, there'll always be part of my heart thats urs. Goodbye xxx.

Me: One last thing - thank you for having the decency to tell me yourself that you wanted to make a move on rob. It felt like a really low trick at the time, but it would have killed me if I'd found out some other way. I just want you to know I appreciate your honesty.

That was the conversation, verbatim. I have no idea why, but that conversation destroyed me that weekend. This was on the Friday night, and I just spent until Sunday night curled up at home, crying, not eating, barely sleeping. Reading it back, I have no clue why. I can only assume it was contact with her again after going without for two weeks.

Anyway, the next day I sent some very random texts to Rob. Examples:

Don't ever make the mistakes I made with her. Never, ever give her a reason to stop wanting to be with you, even if that comes between us. She's more important than me. She's a truly amazing person, and once she's out of your life it'll kill you. Hold onto her, and don't ever let go.

and

If ever things don't work out between you, make it easy for her. I don't ever want her to feel like I do right now.

Finally, on Sunday evening, I started to pull myself together. I sent him one last text:

Thanks for being there for me the last few weeks mate. I'm going to stay out of touch of both of you for a bit now - i have no idea if seeing you is helping or hurting my recovery. I've written her a letter with things I think I owe it to her to say. Im not going to give it her because I think that'd be a mistake. I'll text you in a few weeks or so if that's OK with you. Good luck to you both in the meantime.

I'll post the letter seperately. I never did give it to her. In fact, a few days later I felt a lot better, re-read it, realised it was all crap, and tore it up.

That brings us up to about two weeks ago. Life since then has been a lot better, and I'll fill you in on that in due course. For now, that's the introductions sorted.

The Relationship

2006-10-06T23:22:00.000+01:00

Well, this is my blog. If you've stumbled here, welcome. I'll answer a few questions here.

First, why? Well, about a month ago, I came out of a relationship of three years. A relationship I was very happy in. Let me tell you about it.

How We Met

Think back to August 2003. A night out. To be entirely honest with you, I didn't feel like going out that night. My best mate and his girlfriend dragged me out. Anyway, we got to Creation, and I saw Sam, a girl I knew from taking photos for my website a few weeks before. I bought her a drink, and we chatted a while, but it quickly became obvious she wasn't interested.

So, we've been out 10 minutes, and I've been knocked back once. I'm looking for something a little less....what's the nicest way to put this?....challenging. I survey the still quite empty dance floor, and see a group of girls dancing. One of the girls has a very short skirt on, with the word "Sexy" emblazoned on the back of it.

Hi. You'll do.

I sauntered across, and without a word, started to dance with her. Crude, I know, but in this case effective. We spent the next three hours or so with my tongue down her throat, and some heavy petting. At the end of the night, I asked for her phone number. This would be the first girl who I've ever asked for her number. Ever. And I was 23. It's not quite as sad as it sounds, but it's not far off.

How I Ended Up In Love

Anyway, I'm thinking maybe a date, maybe a few dates. Certainly nothing serious. So I text her for a while, and we arrange a date for a few days later. The date goes well, then she drops the bombshell - she's a virgin, and there's no way I'll get to sleep with her for at least a month. Now you put yourself in the body of a 23 year old, with the associated ego, and that phrase can only be interpreted as a challenge. "Wanna bet?" thinks I. Obviously, I didn't say this.

I won the bet. By three days.

There was a downside. In the near-month it had taken me to finally bed her, I'd fallen completely, utterly head over heels in love with her. Schoolboy error, I know. Some would say that my attitude on the way into this relationship means I deserve everything I get. Maybe they're right.

Anyway....

Fast forward two years (yes, great years - all going well, nothing to report). Still deeply in love, I take her to Venice, and propose at a restaurant under the Rialto Bridge. Am I the king of romance or what? Well, nearly - my sneaky "Right, let's buy you a nice ring, and get all your fingers measured while we're at it, just in case I ever decide to propose to you" approach at H. Samuels a few weeks earlier had been a stroke of pure genius. The assistant's approach to measuring fingers, less so. So the ring was too big. No biggie, we had another one made while in Venice. This one fit perfectly. We took the other one back on our return, and used the credit note to buy my engagement ring. Also too big, but it fit nicely on my other finger, and hey, it wouldn't go with a wedding ring at all, so I'd keep it and switch it to another finger after the wedding.

It all went a bit Pete Tong

We're now maybe 8 months later, May or June of this year. Doing great, and we've booked our holiday to Crete to celebrate 3 years together. There's talk of kids, and sorting out the wedding. Life is good.

Then he became single.

My mate got dumped by his ex, for someone he works with. He told me first, and like any best mate, I dropped everything to be at his side. Told Tracy the situation, she was fine with it. Went for a few lads nights out with him, she was great with the whole thing. However, I felt I was neglecting her a bit, so I started inviting my mate round for nights in instead, and inviting her along on nights out. That's kinda when it started to go a bit downhill.

For the first few weeks, all was great. Then she'd start to pick arguments over the tiniest things. I don't know how most of these started, or even what they were about. The common theme is that they always, always started when the three of us were out together.

The aftermath was always the same - Rob would go with Tracy to try and calm her down. I'd go home alone to give him space to talk to her. That's what mates do, right? He's out there trying to save my relationship - what a great mate he is. By the time they came home, I was normally in bed. I'd come downstairs the next morning to find they'd both fallen asleep downstairs. They must have been talking for hours.

This went on for maybe two months - go out, fight, I'd sleep upstairs, come down to find the two of them asleep downstairs.

The Holiday

The holiday was really what I considered to be the turning point in our relationship. I realised I'd been neglecting her, and I realised that her talking about our problems with Rob instead of me wasn't doing our relationship any favours. So the holiday was where everything would get better - less time with Rob, more with Tracy. Sort out arguments together again, me and her against the world, the way it should be.

Then we got there. She quite literally never said a word to me the whole time we were there. She spent all day either in the hotel room or sunbathing around the pool, texting on her phone - she spent £280 on her phone during a two week holiday, plus €20 or so a day on phone calls at the payphone. Excessive, I thought. Meantime, I was the one being neglected.

No problem. I don't want to ruin the holiday by having a big argument about it here, so I'll wait til we get home, we'll sit down, and sort it out.

We arrived home on the Wednesday. She told me she was staying at a friends on the Wed night. Now I've never, ever known her stay with friends in the entire time I've known her, but that's cool - I'm really glad her social life is getting better, and that she has best friends to have sleepovers with. This is a good thing.

Thursday. Something feels wrong about the last few weeks. I can't put my finger on it, but something just feels...wrong. I call Rob on the way to work, and tell him that me and Tracy are going to stay in tonight and have a talk, try to sort out what's going on.

I finish work, get home. Rob turns up literally within half an hour of me getting there. What's he doing here? He knows I'm planning to talk to Tracy tonight. I take him to the supermarket, and tell him I wanted to talk to her, and can he please make himself scarce? He says fine. We get home. I go to the bathroom. When I come out, Tracy is standing outside, saying "We need to talk". I know this, this was my idea. Still, OK, if she's pushing it, at least things will get done.

We go upstairs. She tells me she doesn't love me any more, and doesn't want to be with me. There's no one else, it's nothing I've done, nothing she's done, she just doesn't feel the same. I'm shell shocked - what are you supposed to say to that? I go out for some air, Rob follows. I tell him what went on. By the time we get back, she's waiting for her taxi.

Open wound? Have some salt.

A day or so later, I'm sitting home, coming to terms with things, when my phone beeps. I check it. Tracy. "What's Robs number and do you mind if I ask him on a date?"

This is my best mate. That is a low, nasty, unforgivable trick. But that's OK. This is my best mate. I know I can safely give her his number, and he won't make a move. So I do. This is the Saturday.

Tuesday they have their first date.

The aftermath will follow....